


Bishounen no Mori

by sailorspazz



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: Comedy, F/M, M/M, Out of Character, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-01-04
Updated: 1999-05-22
Packaged: 2018-09-08 05:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8832187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorspazz/pseuds/sailorspazz
Summary: The Dark Kingdom Shitennou meet the Amazon Trio, and hilarity ensues! Read along as these seven hotties deal with brainwashed idiots and annoying Sailor Senshi, all while trying to figure out how to tolerate each other so they can live together in peace.(Warning: incredibly silly, written by a hyperactive teen otaku in the freewheeling 90s; please accept my deepest apologies for my young self. Archiving only because I'm a completionist.)





	1. A New Arrival! The Strangers Meet

(*Present day me wanders in, shaking my head at the insanity left behind by 1998 me in the form of this fanfic* Oh lord, child. What is wrong with you. And what’s wrong with current me for thinking this is something I should repost? Mainly for the sake of completionism, I suppose. Anyway, I apologize in advance for my 14-year-old self. Be prepared for wildly OOC depictions of beloved villains, cringe-inducing weeb level Japanese, and all your favorite pop culture references from the 90s.)

Hi there, and welcome to my forest! Wow, so you're actually going to _read_ this junk? ^_^;; Well, first, you should read the pathetic story of why I'm making you suffer like this; I wanted to see what would happen if my two favorite groups of villains met (The Dark Kingdom is my favorite, the Trio is second). Also, I was kind of wondering what happened to the Trio. I mean, in ep. 149, Pegasus just left them in the forest and they were never seen again! Oh, the humanity! Well, anyways, this fic is set late in the SuperS season, after the Amazon Trio was "healed" by Pegasus. They are now living in Pegasus' Crystal Forest, in the world of Elysion. Things with parentheses around them are just my comments. It's probably just best to ignore them. The things in *these things* are sound effects.

Additional warning: Reading this fic may be hazardous to your health. This fic contains saccharine, which has been determined to cause cancer in laboratory aminals. Do not read near open flame. (Although after reading, you may want to throw _me_ into an open flame. Please, try to restrain yourselves ^_^). Also, none of these characters are mine. They are property of our hero Takeuchi-sensei and a bunch of other people I don't care to list :P There are a couple references to other shows, and they are not mine either.

Yet another note: If you ever happen to come across a Japanese term or phrase you don't understand in this fic, simply look ahead to "Chapter 11: Liner notes," find what you need to know, and go back to where you were reading before ^_^

Anyways, enough of my babbling, on with the fic!

Completed: 1/4/98

Bishounen no Mori

Episode 1: A New Arrival! The Strangers Meet.

Written by: Sailorspazz

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Opening scene: We find ourselves in a dark forest filled with trees, with a large lake in the middle. Everything seems to be very calm, when suddenly, there is a huge flash of light and three figures appear on the ground, all of them unconscious. They are all wearing dark gray uniforms, one of them with a cape. The one with the cape starts to wake up, his silver hair shining in the little light seeping through the trees. He sits up and looks around. (Author drools as she pictures this scene...don't mind me :D~~ Oops, did I drool on you? Gomen ^_^;;).

"Where am I?" he wonders aloud. He looks down to the ground and sees his lover lying next to him, still asleep. "Zoisite!" he says as he shakes him, "Wake up!"

"Mmm, I'd like another hot fudge sundae..." Zoisite mumbles in his sleep as he rolls over. Kunzite gets a small sweatdrop on his head and starts to shake him harder.

"WAKE UP!"

"Huh, wha..?" He looks up and sees Kunzite. "Oh! Kunzite-sama?! What happened? Where are we? I mean, weren't we dead just a minute ago? Wha-" Kunzite puts his hand over Zoisite's mouth.

"Hold on! I don't know any more about this situation than you do." He pulls Zoisite into his arms. "I think we should figure out a way to get out of here..."

"All right," Zoisite says, snuggling closer to Kunzite. He doesn't really care if they find a way out or not, he's just happy to be with Kunzite again. He smiles, then leans up and kisses him...for a LOOOOONG time. (If this were a sit-com, the audience would be going "wooOOOooo" and making cat-calls). They are so immersed in each other that they don't even notice the third person until he rolls over in his sleep and bumps into them.

"Hey! Can't you see we're busy?!" Zoisite yells. Then he and Kunzite both realize who it is that disturbed them.

"Nephrite?! I thought I killed him! Damn, all my hard work gone to waste...well, I can always do it again." Zoisite grins evilly and conjures up an ice crystal.

"Wait!" Kunzite says. "Maybe we should let him live. He-"

"WHAT?!" Zoisite yells, cutting him off. "That bastard embarrassed me so many times, and you want to let him _LIVE?!_ WHY?!" Zoisite suddenly gets a suspicious look on his face. "Do you think he's prettier than me? Are you secretly in love with him?"

"NO!" Kunzite yells, getting another sweatdrop. "If you had let me finish before, I was _going_ to say that he might know why we're here and what's going on!"

"Oh," Zoisite blushes. "Sorry..."

"It's OK," Kunzite says, trying to think of a way to comfort him. He smiles at Zoisite. "But how can you even think that I could love _Nephrite_ when I have you?"

Zoisite giggles and kisses him again, completely forgetting about Nephrite, who amazingly hasn't been awakened by all the yelling.

A couple minutes later, however, Nephrite _does_ wake up, and, like the others, wonders where he is. Also like the others, he remembers that he had just been dead. Then he looks over and sees "the others" kissing away. He gets a disgusted look on his face. "Geez, don't you two _ever_ get tired of that?!"

Both of them jump (Which is really hard to do while you're sitting ^_^) and look over at Nephrite.

"Oh yeah, _you're_ still here," Zoisite grumbles. "Can't you go somewhere else for a while? Like in that lake over there? We're a little busy now." Kunzite gives him a Look.

"Erm, what Zoisite _meant_ to say is that we wanted to ask you if you know what's going on and why we're here-"

"Where is 'here' anyway?" Zoisite interrupts.

"Well, it looks like we're in a forest," Nephrite says mockingly.

"You wanna die again, Nephrite? I'd be _more_ than happy to help you!"

"If you two could stop fighting for two seconds, we might be able to work out a plan so we can get out of here!" Kunzite yells, putting himself between them.

"Well, how long do you want the intervals between our fights to be?" Zoisite asks innocently. Kunzite gives him another Look.

"I think you should just try to get along for a while, OK?"

"All right."

"Good." He smiles at him. "Now, Nephrite, do you know where we are?"

"No."

"Do you have a plan for how we can get out of here?"

"Well, I think it might be best to just walk around and see if we can find anyone who can tell us where we are and maybe even how we can get out of here."

"Sounds good to me. Let's go!"

All of them get up and start walking, having no idea who they are about to meet...

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Ha! Give it up, Tiger's Eye! You can't beat me!"

*beep bleep bop*

"Yeah, right Fish Eye, I beat you last time we played!"

*bloop blop plop*

"Yeah, well you'll never beat me again!"

*snap crackle pop* (^_^;;)

(Perhaps a description of this scene will help you readers understand what's going on ^_^)

Tiger's Eye and Fish Eye are sitting on the floor of their house in the forest playing Mortal Kombat. Hawk's Eye (Who hasn't had any lines yet, poor thing ^_^) is watching them.

*wham bam boom...Didoo Didoo Dah!* (Heh heh, I know what _you're_ expecting, but there are NO pictures of Jadeite in lingerie here! That was victory music, ecchi :P)

"YES! I _told_ you I'd win!" Fish Eye gets up and starts doing a victory dance.

"Pah! Well, it's a stupid game anyway..." Tiger's Eye mumbles.

"Oh really? Then why do you always bet so much money on it?" Hawk's Eye says, finally speaking up.

"Ah yes, that's right!" Fish Eye stops dancing and walks up to Tiger's Eye, holding his hand out. "Pay up. I need to buy a new dress!"

Tiger's Eye and Hawk's Eye both sweatdrop as Tiger's Eye pays him.

"I don't understand why you play that game," Hawk's Eye says. "I mean, look at the women! They're all much too young for me..."

"Not for me," Tiger's Eye says. "The younger, the better!"

"Why do you like young girls? They don't have enough money to buy things to spoil you with..."

"But they are more beautiful. Take their skin, for example. It's so soft and smooth, not dry and wrinkly like old women!"

"But older women are more mature and have more experience. Young women are too wild and unpredictable."

"That's what I like!"

Tiger's Eye and Hawk's Eye continue to argue as they walk towards the bar. Fish Eye doesn't even notice them leave, for he is thinking about all the great things he can buy with his money: Dresses, make-up, perfume, shoes...the list goes on and on! But before he goes shopping, there's one thing he wants to do...

"Now, I must go to my room and celebrate my victory with-" A knock at the door cuts Fish Eye off. "Hawk's Eye! Tiger's Eye! One of you should get that!" He looks around and sees that they have both disappeared. _They probably went to the bar_ , he thinks. "Fine! I'll get it!" He runs to the door and opens it. "Who is it?"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Hey, look! There's a house over there!" Nephrite shouts, pointing.

Kunzite squints his eyes and looks. "You're right. Let's go."

Zoisite, who is hanging off Kunzite's arm, can't see the house because his eyes have turned into two giant hearts. He's just letting Kunzite lead him ^_^;;

When they finally reach the house, Nephrite knocks on the door. They hear someone yelling inside for a second, something about hawk's and tiger's eyes o_O;; Where are they, a witch's house? They consider going somewhere else when someone opens the door. "Who is it?" the person asks.

Nephrite immediately mistakes Fish Eye for a girl and says, "Hello, ma'am. I am Nephrite, and these two are Kunzite and Zoisite. We're kind of lost and we were wondering if you could tell us where we are."

Fish Eye sighs. He'd really wanted to spend some time alone with...but then he looks at Nephrite again and notices that he is _very_ handsome. "OK, come on in." He grins as he checks out Nephrite's backside as he walks by. Then he looks up and sees Kunzite. _Wow, two hot guys coming over in one day? Maybe today won't be so boring after all_! he thinks. Out loud, he says (well, yells, actually) "Hawk's Eye! Tiger's Eye! Get out here, we have some visitors!"

They both walk in, still arguing about the best type of woman.

"Would you two shut up?!" Fish Eye says angrily. "It's very rude to fight in front of company!"

"Maybe _you_ should think about that," Kunzite whispers to Zoisite, who pouts in reply.

The former members of the Amazon Trio sit down on the couch, Nephrite and Kunzite sit down in arm chairs and Zoisite flops down (rather carelessly) onto Kunzite's lap. His eyes bulge out and in a high squeaky voice he says, "Zoisite, could you please watch what you're doing? If you're not careful, you might seriously hurt me and I won't be able to use that area anymore."

"Oh, sowwy!" he says in a baby voice. "Later, I'll kiss it and make it ALL better, otay?"

(Insert sweatdrops here).

"First, I think we should introduce ourselves," Fish Eye finally manages to say. "I'm Fish Eye."

"I'm Hawk's Eye."

"I'm Tiger's Eye."

_Nice names_ , Nephrite thinks, amused. Out loud he says, "I'm Nephrite."

"I'm Zoisite..."

Kunzite opens his mouth to talk, but Zoisite continues..."And this is the greatest man in the whole universe! He's strong, he's powerful, he's loving, he's _incredibly_ sexy, he's _great_ in bed, he's-"

"What is his name?!" the trio shouts. After all, they don't want to be sitting there all day (They also don't want to hear Zoisite's detailed descriptions of...stuff ^_-).

"Kunzite-sama. And I was just about to finish with saying that the best thing about him is...he's _MINE!_ " Zoisite says, glaring at Fish Eye. He'd seen how Fish Eye had been staring at _his_ Kunzite-sama when they'd first walked in.

Fish Eye pouts. _Ah well..._ he thinks, _I can always go after Nephrite_. He's pretty sure none of the Kings have figured out he's a guy yet...

"So, what are you guys doing here?" Hawk's Eye asks.

"Well, we're trying to figure out where we are," Kunzite says.

"We're in the Crystal Forest of the world called Elysion," Fish Eye says. "It's really dark right now, but Pegasus said it will become light again, someday..."

"Who's Pegasus?" Zoisite asks.

"We used to be going after him to get the Golden Crystal from him, but the Sailor Senshi always got in our way and..."

Now it's the Kings' turn to shout. "Sailor Senshi?!"

"Yeah," Fish Eye says, rolling his eyes as he begins going through their speech. "For love and justice, they are the pretty sailor-suited soldiers. And in the name of the moon-"

"-They'll punish us. Yeah, we know," the Kings finish in monotone, sweatdrops on their heads once again.

"Yeah! That's what they said! How did you guys know that?" Hawk's Eye asks.

"We used to fight against the Sailor Senshi, too," Nephrite says. "But then we...well...died," he finishes with an odd sounding laugh.

"Well, if you're all supposed to be dead, then what are you doing here?" Fish Eye asks.

"That's what we'd like to know..." Kunzite says.

Then, Tiger's Eye gets a sudden flash of inspiration (And perspiration :P Smelly...). "Maybe..." he begins with a vacant look on his face, as inspiring music starts playing in the background. "Maybe Pegasus decided he would give all the former villains a second chance to live, this time, the right way! Here, in this world, where there isn't all the evil and lying and deception that ruled our lives before!"

"Or maybe..." Zoisite says, as the inspiring music stops. "He just felt like it."

Everyone gets a super-deformed look and sweatdrops.

"That could be right, too..." Tiger's Eye says, his face back to normal. (Err, well, normal for Tiger's Eye, anyway ^_^;;).

"Well, wait a minute then..." Nephrite says, as all eyes turn to him. "If we're all getting a second chance, where's Jadeite?" The Kings all start to ponder this.

Suddenly, Kunzite comes up with something. "Zoisite, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so, Kunzite-sama, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?"

(I'm starting to think that the characters in this fic should just have sweatdrops permanently attached to their heads ^_^;; That way, my fingers wouldn't be so tired from typing out every one...)

"Erm...actually, I was thinking that he might, in fact, be somewhere nearby. I can definitely sense his presence in this world."

"Oh, that's what I _meant_ to say, heh heh," Zoisite says, blushing.

"Now, wait a second..." Fish Eye says, confused. "Who is this Jadeite?"

"Jadeite was the first of the Dark Kingdom Shitennou," Nephrite begins in a teacherish tone of voice. Kunzite and Zoisite immediately fall asleep. "His job was to collect energy to revive Queen Metallia, who was the ultimate ruler of the Dark Kingdom. Unfortunately, Jadeite failed too many times and Queen Beryl put him in Eternal Sleep." By this time, everyone else in the room has fallen asleep. "Geez, good thing I didn't go into detailed episode summaries..." Nephrite wonders how he can wake everyone up again...he really doesn't want to get out of his chair, so he decides to be creative (Be creative?! HA! He's just being lazy...) He reaches for the remote control. He then turns on the TV and starts channel surfing. "Seen it...seen it...boring...no...no...AHA!" He finally settles on Tenchi Muyou and turns the volume up very loud. Soon, everyone in the room is awakened by Ryo-ouki's meowing.

"Huh...wha...? Oh yeah, very interesting Nephrite," Hawk's Eye says with a yawn.

"Yeah yeah," Fish Eye says. "Jadeite had to collect energy to revive Queen Mecha-Washu. Very nice."

"Well, I don't know about anyone else," Hawk's Eye says, "but I'm thirsty. I'm going into the bar."

"Me, too," Tiger's Eye says. "We need to finish our argument about women." (Knowing those two, it will _never_ be finished ^_^).

"Bar?!" Nephrite's eyes light up like a kid in a candy store. "You have a _bar_ in your _house?!_ "

"Yeah. Wanna come?"

"Yeah!" Nephrite jumps out of his chair and skips towards them. (Sweatdrops all around again). _Maybe this world isn't so bad after all…_ he thinks happily.

Hawk's Eye, Tiger's Eye, and Nephrite all head off to the bar, Nephrite skipping the whole way (Author cracks up picturing this! ^o^). Kunzite, Zoisite, and Fish Eye all decide to sit and finish watching Tenchi. Suddenly, the commercials come on and they find themselves staring at an advertisement for Sailor Moon toothbrushes.

"I wonder what Sailor Moon is up to now..." Zoisite says. "I really wanna kill her for killing you!"

"Hmm, well, I just hope she doesn't show up here," Kunzite says. "I _never_ want to have to deal with those Sailor Senshi ever again!"

Suddenly, Fish Eye starts giggling. "Oh, I think they may end up poking around here eventually!"

"Why would they do that?" Zoisite asks.

"I took something of hers...something...important." Fish Eye starts giggling some more.

"What did you take?"

"Oh...nothing," Fish Eye says, trying to look innocent, but it's quite difficult since he's grinning evilly.

"Well, whatever," Zoisite says. By this time, the show has come back on and he wants to see how it ends. He notices that the girls on the show are somewhat good-looking and notices Kunzite staring at the screen. "Kunzite-sama..." he asks, getting suspicious again. "Do you think those girls are prettier than me?"

"Of course not, Zoisite. No one is prettier than you."

"Except me," Fish Eye says.

Zoisite looks up. "Excuse me?"

"You heard what I said. No one is prettier than you, except me."

"Ah ha ha, I don't think so," Zoisite says, standing up and walking towards Fish Eye. "You actually think _you_ are prettier than _me?_ " Zoisite laughs again. "Have you looked in a mirror lately? Or do they always break whenever you come near them?"

"Oh, that's it!" Fish Eye yells, also standing up and getting in Zoisite's face. "You wanna fight?"

"Sorry, I don't fight little boys."

"Wait, how'd you figure out I'm a guy?"

"Hey, I'm a bishounen. I can tell when I meet other bishounen. But that's off the subject! Now, let's get back to where we were...I'm prettier!"

"No, I'm prettier!"

"I'M PRETTIER!"

"NO, I'M PRETTIER!"

Meanwhile, we turn to Kunzite, who currently looks like this: *_*;; Unfortunately for him, (but fun for the rest of us ^_^) this strange look catches Zoisite's attention.

"Kunzite-sama!" he says, turning around to face him. "Which one of us do _you_ think is prettier?" Zoisite and Fish Eye both start doing Don't-hate-me-because-I'm-beautiful poses and Kunzite swiftly looks from one to the other. He finds them both rather attractive, but fortunately for him, he knows that if he doesn't choose the "Right" answer ("Right" being whatever Zoisite wants) that he may very well end up sleeping on the porch again (For Kunzite's sake, I won't even describe _that_ night ^_^).

"Zoisite, don't be silly. It's you, of course," Kunzite says with a charming smile.

Zoisite grins. He's proud that he's taught his lover well so he always knows the Right answer (He knows Kunzite was probably thinking about the porch incident).

"I think we need someone else's opinion here!" Fish Eye says. He decides to bring in the person who up until this point in the story has been referred to as "..." "Mamo-chan! Come in here!"

Mamoru comes down the stairs and walks over to Fish Eye. He bends down on the ground and kisses his toes. "What do you wish, Fish Eye, my love?"

" _Mamoru?!_ What the hell is Mamoru doing here?!" Zoisite yells.

"I brainwashed him!" Fish Eye says, giggling. "He is _the_ easiest guy in the world to brainwash! All I had to do was snap my fingers and he was mine!" He turns back to Mamoru. "Honey, could you carry me back to our bedroom? My feet are tired and I have something I've been wanting to celebrate with you."

"Your wish is my command, dear." He lifts Fish Eye into his arms and carries him up to their bedroom.

"Now, that's just plain sick," Zoisite says with a disgusted look on his face. "What kind of sick, _twisted_ person would want _Mamoru_ as their love slave?" They both shudder.

"I can think of two: Fish Eye and Queen Beryl," Kunzite says, starting to turn green. "Let's just try not to think about it and go join the others in the bar."

When Kunzite and Zoisite reach the bar, they find that Nephrite has taken Tiger's Eye's side in the "Young or old?" fight.

"Tiger's Eye is right. Young girls are much better," Nephrite tries to explain to Hawk's Eye. "Like...take Fish Eye for example. She's really pretty."

Everyone except Nephrite starts laughing. Even Kunzite and Zoisite, who have just walked in, are rolling on the floor.

"What? What's so funny?!" Nephrite looks around, confused.

"Nephrite, are you really _that_ blind?!" Zoisite squeals, still rolling on the floor.

"Or maybe he knows, and he's just changed his mind about his preferences," Kunzite says, causing more pandemonium.

"Would someone _please_ tell me what the hell is going on?!" Nephrite yells.

"Well, Nephrite," Hawk's Eye says after calming down a bit. "Fish Eye is a man."

"What?!" Nephrite yells, going super-deformed. "How can that be? He looks like a girl, dresses like a girl, and even sounds like one!"

"That's how he used to trick people so easily," Tiger's Eye explains.

"Well, he has a lot in common with Zoisite then..." Nephrite says.

"Hey!" Kunzite says in an annoyed fashion after standing up again. "Zoisite doesn't sound like a girl!"

"Oh, is that all you have to say, Kunzite-sama?!" Zoisite screeches.

"I...I mean you don't _look_ like a girl, either. You're a beautiful man!"

"Good."

"Well, let's get back to our fight, OK?" Nephrite says, trying to ignore Kunzite and Zoisite. "I know of a very sweet young girl, and I _know_ she's a girl." Nephrite lets out a happy sigh (Hmmm, how does he know she's a girl? Perhaps there are some things they can't show on Sailor Moon ^_-). "Her name is Naru. She's sweet, she's caring, she made me see love for the first time, she's..."

"Naru?" Tiger's Eye interrupts, "As in Oosaka Naru?"

"Yeah, that's her. How'd you know?"

"I attacked her once."

"You did WHAT?!" Nephrite yells, his mouth getting several times larger than its normal size. It gets so large, it nearly tips his drink over. Tiger's Eye screams in terror (Hee hee! Have you heard him scream? It's hilarious! You can find a clip in the sounds section of my website).

"Don't worry! I didn't hurt her!" Tiger's Eye says cowering in a corner.

"You didn't? Oh," Nephrite says, returning to normal (He seems to be ignoring the fact that he personally attacked her more than anyone else ^_^).

Kunzite and Zoisite rid themselves of their sweatdrops and sit down at the bar. Hawk's Eye looks at them.

"Where'd Fish Eye go?" he asks.

"He went off to his bedroom with his boy toy," Zoisite says, looking slightly ill at the thought.

Hawk's Eye looks ill, too. "They at it again? Man, they never seem to get tired of that."

"Erm, that's something we _don't_ want to hear about," Kunzite says, pouring himself a glass of wine.

Zoisite pours a glass for himself. "Yeah, let's talk about something else like...ummmm...uhhhh...I don't know!"

"Let's just stop talking for a while then, all right?" Kunzite smiles at Zoisite.

"Ooh, all right." Zoisite giggles and wraps his arms around Kunzite's neck...

Hawk's Eye decides to stop watching them and go back to arguing with Tiger's Eye and Nephrite.

A few minutes later, Fish Eye walks into the bar, smiling.

Zoisite rips his lips from Kunzite's for a second to say, "My, you're back awfully soon."

"Well, Mamoru works fast," Fish Eye says giggling. Everyone else looks like they want to throw up. Fish Eye starts to pour himself some wine, but the bottle is empty. "Oh no! What am I going to drink?"

"I'll get some more wine," Hawk's Eye says and runs over to the refrigerator. He opens the door and screams, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!"

Everyone runs over to the refrigerator and looks inside. The Kings all burst out laughing.

"What's so damn funny?!" Hawk's Eye yells. He thinks what he's seeing is very disturbing...Inside the refrigerator, there is a man wearing the same kind of uniform as the Kings', only his has red piping. He has blond hair and looks as if he's screaming, but he's frozen in a big block of ice...Hawk's Eye isn't sure what's so funny...

"It's...it's...Jadeite!" Zoisite finally manages to say, then he continues rolling on the floor.

"I guess that Pegasus guy wanted to preserve him, so he put him in here," Kunzite says, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Well, what are we going to do with him?" Tiger's Eye asks.

"Leave him there!" Zoisite says. "He never did anything important, anyway!"

"No, let's unfreeze him!" Fish Eye says. "He's pretty cute. Maybe I can brainwash him, too."

"Oh, but what about your precious Mamo-chan?" Zoisite says mockingly, getting up in Fish Eye's face again.

"I'm sure he won't mind. The more the merrier!" Off to the side, Nephrite makes gagging noises. This earns him a look from Fish Eye. "Oh, Nephrite. Do you want to get brainwashed, too? I can just use you instead of Jadeite if you want."

"Eww! No way!" Nephrite cries in horror. "Just take Jadeite!"

"All right, I will then," Fish Eye says. "Now, how do I get him out of this big ice cube thing?"

"You should probably just take it out and let it melt," Kunzite says. "Or else start chipping away at it with something."

"Which way is easier?" Hawk's Eye asks.

"Letting it melt. But it will probably take all night for that."

"Ah, who cares? It's almost time for bed anyway," Tiger's Eye says.

Fish Eye looks at his watch. "You're right. I promised Mamo-chan I would be back in bed in ten minutes!"

"Well, first we need some help hauling Jadeite out of the fridge," Kunzite says, nearly cracking up from what he just said.

All of them grab a part of the crystal and start to pull. Within minutes, they have the sleep crystal containing Jadeite out of the fridge and lying on the floor, along with a big crack in the side, thanks to Zoisite's sudden klutz attack.

"So, where are we supposed to sleep?" Zoisite asks. He really wants to get some beauty sleep. Well, after he takes care of some "important business" with Kunzite (Wink wink, nudge nudge).

"We have a guest bedroom, and someone can sleep on the couch. I don't think you'll need any more beds, because I'm assuming you two will be sharing a bed, right?" Fish Eye says to Kunzite and Zoisite.

"Well, _duh!_ " Zoisite says. "I mean, I've been practically hanging off him all day! Anyway, Kunzite-sama and I get the bedroom!"

"Aww, man..." Nephrite whines, pouting. "I don't _wanna_ sleep on the couch..."

"Well, if you don't want to sleep there, you can always sleep in my bedroom..." Fish Eye says, giving Nephrite a suggestive look.

"Eek! I'll be good!" Nephrite says and runs into the living room.

Everyone else heads off to their bedrooms to get a good night's rest (Well, most of them, anyway ^_-). They have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be a doozy...

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Well, you've survived the first episode! Do you still feel like throwing me into an open flame? Yes? Uh oh...*Runs off screaming as people follow her with flaming torches...* Comments, criticism, and chocolate milkshakes go to sailorspazz


	2. Another Bishounen Awakens!  An Unusual Morning

Oh, so you came back for more, eh? Well, here comes episode 2 in your face!

(Insert long boring thingy saying I don't own the characters here).

Completed: 1/11/98

Bishounen no Mori

Episode 2: Another Bishounen Awakens! An Unusual Morning.

(Still) Written by: Sailorspazz

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Jadeite wakes up the next morning with a _major_ headache. He sits up and looks around, wondering where he is and how the hell he got there. After noticing the bar stools and empty wine bottles, he comes to the conclusion that he is in a bar (Smart, Jeddy...*clap clap*). Even though he knows where he is (Sort of...) he still can't figure out how he got there. "I must have had too much to drink last night..." He notices he is sitting in a huge puddle of water and blushes. "Oh man, I _really_ had too much to drink..." After sitting there for quite a while, his memories start to come back a bit. "Let's see, I was fighting the Sailor Senshi, but I was defeated and went back to explain to Queen Beryl. She started yelling at me and...I can't remember what happened after that!" Jadeite then assumes that he must have gotten depressed after Queen Beryl yelled at him, so he went out and got drunk. Jadeite's thoughts are cut off when someone walks into the kitchen...

Fish Eye wakes up the next morning feeling very satisfied from the previous night (The thought that it was with Mamoru is quite stomach churning...) He puts on a bathrobe and goes to the bar/kitchen area to get breakfast.

When Fish Eye walks in, he discovers that Jadeite is awake and looking around confused. _Wow, he's much cuter now that he's outta that big ice cube thingy,_ Fish Eye thinks. He decides to be the first person to greet Jadeite after his long sleep. He walks up to him and smiles. "Good morning, Jadeite."

Jadeite turns around...and gasps. He finds himself facing a beautiful young woman (*Snicker*) with long sky blue hair and sparkling ice blue eyes. He is completely stunned by her beauty. "G-Goo-Good morning, um, you," he stumbles, his voice cracking a bit. He slaps himself on the forehead. _Smooth one, Jadeite,_ his mind says (Or maybe it was just the little voices in his head o_O;;). Jadeite tells his mind to shut up and turns his attention back to the young "lady". "So, ah, what's your name, beautiful?" he says with a charming smile, but since he's so nervous, the smile looks pretty creepy. Well, it's been a while since his last date (Of course, it's been A LOT longer than Jadeite thinks ^_^).

"Fish Eye." He notices that Jadeite looks even cuter when he's nervous.

"Oh, ummm...could I ask you where I am?"

"You're in my house," Fish Eye says with a wide grin. He knows what Jadeite will conclude from that and decides to have a bit of fun leading him on. _I won't even need to brainwash him,_ he thinks happily.

Jadeite's eyes bug out. _I spent the night at some girl's house and I don't even remember it?! I'm never drinking again!_ he thinks angrily. Now he desperately wants to remember the night before. All he can say out loud is, "I...am?"

"Yes. And you were _great_ last night..." He lets out a happy sigh and wraps his arms around Jadeite.

Jadeite now _really_ hates himself for not remembering the night before, but he can think more on that later. Right now, he can let Fish Eye think he remembers. "You were great, too." He puts an arm around Fish Eye's shoulders and brings him closer.

"Oh, really?" Fish Eye is surprised that Jadeite not only believes his story, but is now pretending to remember things that never even happened! Well, he can have some fun with that..."You know, Jadeite. You said something last night that sounded like a good idea."

"I did? Erm...what did I say?"

"You said we should do it again in the morning." Fish Eye gives him a highly suggestive grin.

"Oh, well _there's_ a good way to wake me up." Jadeite is also secretly hoping his memories from the night before will come back if they do it again. He picks up Fish Eye and starts to carry him away. Then he realizes something. "Umm, Fish Eye?"

"Yes?"

"Which way is it to your bedroom?"

"I'll tell you as we walk. Go straight (Well, actually, he's unknowingly doing the opposite ^_^;;)...now turn left...go up the stairs...go in the second door on the left." Fish Eye turns the knob for Jadeite and they walk in (Well, Jadeite walks in carrying Fish Eye, rather). Fish Eye comes to the realization that Mamoru is still in his bed. "Oh, shit!" He quickly does a little time-stopping spell on Jadeite. Fish Eye starts shaking Mamoru. "Mamo-chan! Mamo-chan! WAKE UP!" he screeches in Mamoru's ear. Mamoru rolls over and smiles at him.

"Good morning, Fish Eye, dear."

"Yeah yeah, good morning to you too...Listen! I need you to do something for me."

"Anything for you, my love."

"I need you to get out of here! I have some very important business to attend to."

"What? But, how do I live without you? (Author starts humming that song). You are what keeps me going. You are the only one I need! You..."

"Mamo-chan! I don't have time for this now! GET OUT!"

Mamoru decides to obey and slips into his bathrobe. He walks out of the room, sits down in the hallway, and starts to cry.

Fish Eye jumps back into Jadeite's arms and ends the time-stopping spell. "Now, let's do a repeat of last night!"

Jadeite puts Fish Eye down on the bed...

Mamoru sits in the hall, crying. "Oh, Fish Eye, my love! Where did I go wrong?" he mumbles through his tears. "I did the best I could to do everything you said, so how could I fail you? Could it be the time I got that mustard on your dress? Or was it when I lost your favorite pair of earrings? Or..."

"Hey! Shut up out there!" Zoisite yells angrily from the guest bedroom across the hall. "Some people are trying to sleep!" Although Zoisite had meant well, his yelling had been much louder than Mamoru's crying and he ended up waking Tiger's Eye and Hawk's Eye. Kunzite tries to recover his hearing from Zoisite yelling so close to his head. Zoisite sighs. He knows he won't be able to fall back asleep now, so he decides to get up. "Come on, Kunzite-sama. Let's get breakfast."

"Uh, OK." He doesn't have his hearing completely back yet, but since Zoisite is pulling him out of bed and throwing his clothes at him, he assumes it means they are going to get up and leave the room (Wow, Kunzite's as observant as Jadeite...Speaking of Jadeite being observant...)

"AUGH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" Jadeite quickly struggles to pull his pants back on and comes tearing out of Fish Eye's bedroom, nearly crashing into Kunzite and Zoisite, who have just come out of their bedroom. Jadeite runs into the bathroom and locks the door.

"Well, if that's going to be your attitude, I don't want to sleep with you!" Fish Eye yells from the bedroom. He wishes he had brainwashed Jadeite so he wouldn't care that he's a guy, like he had done with Mamoru.

"That's fine with me!" Jadeite says as he turns on the shower.

After they rid themselves of their sweatdrops, Zoisite, Kunzite, Tiger's Eye and Hawk's Eye all head down to the bar/kitchen area to get breakfast. Zoisite goes straight to the food refrigerator (They have two refrigerators: One for food and one for booze) and starts digging through it. A couple minutes later, he emerges with a big pile of food. "Oh, does anyone else want something?" The others look in the refrigerator and discover there isn't much left.

"Aww, come on, Zoisite. Aren't you going to share? You took all the good stuff," Kunzite whines.

"No! I'm really hungry because I didn't get any dinner last night!"

"Well, none of us got dinner either," Tiger's Eye says, sulking.

"I got to the fridge first! It's ALL mine!" Zoisite yells, protectively pulling the food closer.

"You know, if you eat that much, you're going to get fat." Everyone turns around and sees Fish Eye walking into the room. He examines Zoisite's body for a second. "In fact, I can see that you're a little chubby already."

"WHAT?!" Zoisite snarls and drops all his food to the ground. Kunzite looks very scared, because he knows Zoisite would _never_ drop food unless he was _really_ angry. Zoisite notices how scared he looks and says in a calm voice, "Kunzite-sama, do _you_ think I'm fat?"

Since Zoisite is talking in such a calm voice, Kunzite decides it will be all right to tease him a little. "Well, you do have these cute little love-handles," he says, pinching the sides of Zoisite's stomach.

"Stop that!" he yells, elbowing Kunzite in the stomach. Obviously, he had underestimated Zoisite's anger and he decides to just curl up in a ball and lie on the floor a few minutes to regain his breath.

"See? Even he thinks you are. I think you should go on a diet."

Zoisite tries very hard and actually manages to suppress his anger. "Fine, I will then," he says out loud. To himself, he thinks, _I'll get stronger and then I can just kill them all...well, except Kunzite-sama._ He looks down and notices Kunzite still curled up on the floor, clutching his stomach. "Get up, Kunzite-sama. We need to get something to eat. We have a long day ahead of us..." Since he has finally regained his breath, he gets up.

Hawk's Eye starts gathering up the food that Zoisite dropped on the floor, trying to decide what to make. He discovers a box of Eggo waffles. "How many waffles does everyone want?"

"I'll have three!" Tiger's Eye says.

"I'll have two!" Fish Eye says.

"I'll have four!" Kunzite says (Ooh, a piggy-boy today, I see...sounds like me ^_^).

Zoisite sulks. He's going on a diet the day they're having waffles? Life is _so_ unfair... "I'll have one..." he says with a huge pout.

"Where's Nephrite?" Hawk's Eye asks.

"Probably still asleep," Kunzite says.

"Well, I need to know how many waffles he wants."

"Oooh, I'll go wake him up!" Zoisite says happily (In a very evil way). He runs into the living room and sees Nephrite half on the couch, half on the floor.

"Oh, Naru..." he mumbles in his sleep.

Zoisite smiles and walks over to him. "Yo, Nephrite! Get your lazy ass in gear, it's time to get up!" Zoisite watches in satisfaction as Nephrite falls all the way onto the floor and bumps his head.

"Augh! Geez, Zoisite, what do you want?!" he says, rubbing his head. (Erm...the one on his _neck_ , ecchi!)

"It's time for breakfast, so come on!"

"Awww, just let me sleep a few more minutes." He rolls over on the ground and instantly begins to snore (Hmmm, sounds like trying to wake _me_ up in the morning ^_^;;).

"Oh, man! Now what do I do?" Suddenly, he gets an idea and grins. He carefully reaches over and steals Nephrite's blanket. He is surprised to find that Nephrite is wearing nothing but boxers. He finds it even funnier that his boxers have little pictures of chocolate parfaits on them. He throws the blanket across the room and walks back into the bar.

"Where's Nephrite?" Tiger's Eye asks.

"Oh, he said he wanted Fish Eye to come wake him up with a kiss," Zoisite says with a grin. Kunzite immediately becomes suspicious of this...

"REALLY?!" Fish Eye squeals.

"Yeah. I guess he changed his mind about his preferences." Zoisite grins some more. Kunzite becomes even more suspicious when he notices that Zoisite is holding a camera behind his back...

"Yatta!" Fish Eye runs out of the bar and into the living room. He sees Nephrite lying on the floor, wearing nothing but chocolate parfait boxers. Fish Eye grins and dives on top of him. He plants a long, passionate kiss on Nephrite. Suddenly, he sees a flash out of the corner of his eye, but he decides to ignore it. He breaks the kiss with Nephrite and notices him smiling...

Nephrite wakes up and feels someone kissing him. _It must be Naru..._ he thinks happily. He opens his eyes and... "AUGH! What are you doing to me?!" He knocks Fish Eye off of him.

"Zoisite said you wanted me to come wake you with a kiss."

"Zoisite?" He looks up and notices Zoisite, who has been standing in the doorway the whole time giggling as he watched the scene. He notices Zoisite's camera too, and realizes what happened. "Zoisite! You give me that camera right now!"

"No way! I have to go to Earth and show these pictures to your little girlfriend!"

"If you do that, I swear I will kill you!" He knows Naru is an understanding girl, but he knows that even she wouldn't believe a word he said after seeing pictures of him nearly naked while making out with someone on the floor.

"OK, I won't then." Zoisite dissolves the camera. Well, actually, he just teleports it to a hiding spot, but he makes it look to Nephrite like it's completely gone. Nephrite immediately becomes suspicious. It had been WAY too easy to make Zoisite do what he said. He knows Zoisite must be up to something, but he can't figure out what...

All three of them go into the bar (Nephrite still in his underwear o_O;;) "There you are!" Hawk's Eye says, "Nephrite, how many waffles do you want?"

"Oh, I think three should be enough."

"All righty then." (Author giggles, imagining Hawk's Eye acting like Jim Carrey).

When they finally get their food, they all dig in. Zoisite finishes his waffle in two bites and then sits sulking. He is still starving, but he has to stick to his stupid diet to prove he actually has some willpower. He starts eyeing Kunzite's waffles, (Is it just my sick mind, or does something sound odd about that sentence?) hoping he won't be able to eat them all...but from the way Kunzite is eating, it doesn't look like he will get full anytime soon. Zoisite has to do something... "Kunzite-sama."

"Hmph?" Kunzite says, with syrup dripping down his chin (Aww, how CUTE! *drool*).

"Uhhh..." Zoisite struggles to think of something, "There's a big knot in your hair!"

"Really? Oh no!" Kunzite quickly runs over to a mirror and pulls a brush out of his pocket (A brush in his pocket? Aye, that's gotta be painful sometimes ^_^;;).

Zoisite sees that everyone else is watching Kunzite brush his hair, so he quickly steals one of his waffles, which he finishes in two bites.

When Kunzite sits back down, Zoisite is relieved that he doesn't notice one of his waffles is missing. Even though Zoisite still doesn't feel full, he decides it will be enough to last him an hour or two...

Suddenly, Jadeite walks back in. He looks a little sickened when he sees Fish Eye. Fish Eye just smiles at him. "Hello again, Jadeite."

"Don't you even talk to me!" He looks around and notices some familiar faces. "Nephrite? Zoisite? Kunzite? What are you guys doing here?"

"From what we can tell, we were sent here by some guy named Pegasus. He wanted to give former villains a second chance, or something," Kunzite explains.

"Oh," Jadeite says. Then he thinks for a minute. "Wait a second! _Former_ villains? What happened to the Dark Kingdom?"

"Gone," Kunzite says.

"Don't you remember what happened to you?" Nephrite asks.

"I remember I was fighting those three bratty Sailor Senshi. Then I went back to Queen Beryl and she started yelling at me...but I can't remember what happened after that..."

"You were put in Eternal Sleep," Nephrite explains, "Then I took over for you."

"Then I killed Nephrite," Zoisite says, grinning evilly, "And I took over for him!"

"Then that bitch Queen Beryl killed Zoisite," Kunzite says with a snarl, "And I took over for him."

"Then that bitch Sailor Moon killed Kunzite-sama!" Zoisite yells, looking very scary, "And no one took over for him, because how could they find anyone better than you?" Zoisite grins at Kunzite.

"OK, I get it now..." Jadeite says, glad that he understands (At least a little bit) what's been going on.

"Well, I'm going to take a shower now," Zoisite says. He looks at Kunzite. "Care to join me?"

"Well, I want to, but I'm not done eating yet..."

"Oh...OK." Zoisite sighs, but he'll manage. He walks up to the bathroom, all alone (Poor, poor Zoi-chan *sniff*). He takes off his clothes, (Ooh *snaps pictures*) turns on the shower, and gets in. Well, he can always shower with Kunzite later. His thoughts start to drift as the warm water relaxes him...

Back downstairs, everyone has finished eating. "Now Fish Eye, I think it's your turn to do the dishes," Hawk's Eye says.

"What? No way, it's your turn!"

"No, since I cooked it, one of you two has to clean it up!" Hawk's Eye yells, pointing at Fish Eye and Tiger's Eye.

"Cooked? All you did was put waffles in a toaster," Tiger's Eye points out.

"So? When we leave the cooking up to you, we usually get cereal!" Fish Eye says.

"Well, when you 'cook', we usually end up eating out!" Tiger's Eye shouts back.

Jadeite, Nephrite, and Kunzite are watching the scene looking like this: o_O;; *_*;; and -_-;; respectively. Kunzite gets thirsty and decides to look for something to drink. _Isn't there anything besides booze?_ he wonders as he looks through the refrigerator. He looks in a cupboard and finds a package of hot chocolate mix (Author: Mmm, chocolate *droo~~ol* Zoisite: Mmm, Kunzite *droo~~ol* Author: Hey! These are _my_ comments! Get out! *Zoisite leaves my comments...for now*).

After arguing a few minutes, the Eyes finally decide that Fish Eye will do the dishes. He sulks as he turns the water on...

Seconds later, yelling can be heard from upstairs. "Hey! Who's running water down there?! Stop it! Augh! I'm being burned! Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!"

Fiah Eye reaches towards the faucet, but then stops. He's still a bit pissed from that earlier incident with Nephrite. How dare Zoisite set him up like that! He decides to ignore Zoisite's pained yells and continue doing dishes.

"Ummm, Fish Eye? I think you really should turn the water off...if you value your life, that is. Zoisite can and _will_ kill you if you don't," Kunzite says, sipping his hot chocolate.

"I'm not afraid of him," Fish Eye says boldly.

Kunzite looks surprised. "You should be. He's quite powerful..." Suddenly, the water turns off upstairs. Then Zoisite can be heard stomping around. "Uh oh, you're in for it now!" Kunzite says. He decides it will be fun to stay and count how many pieces Fish Eye will be in when Zoisite gets through with him...

Zoisite is in the shower, still thinking about nothing in particular. As he shampoos his hair, he starts wondering how long they are planning on living with these circus freaks...Suddenly, he is snapped back into reality when the water becomes _very_ hot. He figures someone must be running water. He yells for them to stop, but it keeps going. That _really_ pisses him off. How dare someone disturb him during his shower! Somehow, he gets the feeling that Fish Eye is the one who's doing it. Well, he would give him a piece of his mind...He would also give him a left! Then a right! Then a kick in the stomach! He smiles imagining these things as he wraps a towel around his waist and stomps out of the bathroom. He "accidentally" stomps on Mamoru's foot as he leaves, who is _still_ sitting in the hall, mumbling and crying. Zoisite stomps into the bar and starts yelling, his eyes glowing red. "All right, which one of you smart ass punks was running water?!"

Everyone except Fish Eye goes super-deformed and cowers in a corner, holding each other (VERY cute ^_-). Fish Eye comes out from behind the bar. "I was," he says confidently.

"Oooh, That's a BIG mistake, Fishy," he says, cracking his knuckles. "Do you know how dead you are? I'm gonna throw you up in the air, and kill you five times before you hit the ground! Then I'll take your head and mount it on my wall! Then I'll throw rocks at your ugly face! Then-" Zoisite stops and notices that everyone except Kunzite and Fish Eye are looking away from him disgusted. He looks down and realizes that his towel fell off. He screams, grabs his towel, and runs into the living room. He sits down on the couch and starts crying, feeling really embarrassed. How can he face them again? He feels someone sit down next to him and looks up. He sees Kunzite looking at him, concerned. He throws his arms around Kunzite and starts mumbling things into his chest. "Oh, Kunzite-sama, why are they all so mean to me?"

Since Zoisite is crying, it's hard for Kunzite to pick up on what he's saying. It sounded to him like Zoisite had said, "Why do they all sell beans to me?" He decides to just keep holding him and stroking his hair. When Zoisite's crying finally dies down, he says to him, "Now, why don't we go finish your shower? This time, I'll join you."

Zoisite sniffles. "I'd like that." Kunzite picks him up and they head upstairs. Kunzite "accidentally" steps on Mamoru's foot as they walk by...

Back downstairs, Fish Eye decides to start the dishes again, even though he knows Kunzite and Zoisite are in the shower.

Back upstairs again, Kunzite and Zoisite are enjoying their shower.

"That feels so good..." Zoisite mumbles as Kunzite rubs shampoo into his hair. Suddenly, the water gets hot again. "Augh! I bet it's Fish Eye doing that again! That little bastard! I'll teach him to mess with me!" Zoisite is about to stomp out of the shower again, but Kunzite stops him.

"I have a better idea of how to stop him besides running downstairs and just screaming at him." Kunzite concentrates and sends a little bolt of energy through the pipes into the kitchen sink. The bolt shocks Fish Eye until he turns the water off. "There, now wasn't that much easier and a lot less embarrassing?"

"I guess so. Now, get back to shampooing my hair."

"Yes, sir!" He gives Zoisite a salute, earning him a strange look...

A while later, Kunzite and Zoisite come back downstairs, fully refreshed.

"Ooh, now it's my turn for the shower!" Nephrite shouts and runs upstairs. He's getting tired of Fish Eye's constant flirting.

"May I join you?" Fish Eye yells after him.

"NO!" Nephrite yells back, turning on the water.

At this point, everyone is in the living room trying to figure out what to watch on TV. Currently, an exciting infomercial about vacuum cleaners is on. Jadeite and Tiger's Eye are fighting for the remote, Hawk's Eye is looking through a TV Guide, and Fish Eye is saying he'd rather play Nintendo and tries to challenge people. Zoisite goes over and joins the battle for the remote, saying he wants to watch the Anime Network (I don't think that's an actual station, but hey, this is a fan-fic!). Kunzite watches them all with a sweatdrop on his head. He starts acting like a teacher trying to get a class to be quiet. "Quiet down, please. Simmer, children, simmer! Focus focus focus!" He starts blinking the lights on and off, but the others continue to ignore him. Finally, he decides to just yell over them. "Shut up now, or I'll bloooooow your house in!"

"Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin," Zoisite says (Umm...that's somewhat hentai, if you know what "chinchin" means in Japanese ^_^;;).

"Speaking of that, I haven't shaved yet..." Hawk's Eye says, (Ummm...no comment ^_^;;) stroking his chin (His _chin_ , not chinchin ^_^;;). "But I guess I'll have to wait until Nephrite gets out of the shower."

"What do you want, Kunzite?" Tiger's Eye asks. He must have been yelling for a reason.

"I think we should find something to do besides watch TV," he says, "But I'm not sure what..."

"I say we should go shopping!" Fish Eye yells excitedly. "I didn't get a chance to go yesterday because you guys showed up."

"Yeah, let's go shopping!" Zoisite yells. "After all, we need to find something to wear besides our uniforms all the time..." He stops and thinks. "But wait a second. I didn't see any malls here in the forest."

"We always go to Earth to shop. They have the best stores there!" Fish Eye explains.

"Alright! Let's go!" Zoisite yells. He and Fish Eye seem to have momentarily forgotten their rivalry (Moral of the day: Shopping brings people closer together ^_^).

"We have to wait for everyone to be ready, Zoisite," Kunzite reminds him.

"Oh, fine then..."

A while later, everyone is showered, dressed, and ready to go. Fish Eye has convinced Mamoru that he still loves him, so he comes along too (Yay :P). They all teleport to a dark alley in Tokyo so no one will see them arrive.

"Which way to the nearest mall?!" Zoisite asks. He is so excited, he starts jumping up and down.

"About a kilometer that way. Come on!" Fish Eye and Zoisite bounce along happily, while the others walk normally with sweatdrops on their heads...

Comments, questions, and macaroni and cheese go to sailorspazz


	3. Let's Go Shopping!  A Strange Encounter at the Mall

Heh heh, here we go again! This time, the Sailor Senshi make their first appearance. Everyone, take cover!

These characters are not mine (Man, don't I wish though. Of course, then I'd have to put up with people writing strange fan-fics about my characters, like I am ^_^;;).

Completed: 1/27/98 (Happy Birthday, Haruka-san ^_^)

Bishounen no Mori

Episode 3: Let's Go Shopping! A Strange Encounter at the Mall.

Once again, written by: Sailorspazz

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Many people stare as a strange group enters the mall. Four of them are dressed in nearly matching grey uniforms, one of them with a cape (Yummy ^_^). The other three...well, the one with the blue hair is skipping, another one has a pink mohawk and red eyes (and you all thought Chibiusa was the only one ^_^) and the blond man can't stop admiring himself. The other person is the only "normal" looking one, except for the blank look in his eyes, which is the trademark brain-washed look.

Zoisite and Fish Eye both head to the women's section of the first store they see. Fish Eye drags Mamoru along so he can carry the bags. The remaining five men walk towards the men's section, sweatdrops on their heads.

Now, we find ourselves in a room with six familiar looking girls...

"We HAVE to find Mamo-chan!" Usagi yells through her tears.

"We know! Now just calm down!" Rei shouts, starting to get annoyed with Usagi (Isn't she _always_ annoyed with Usagi?).

Chibiusa looks really upset too, but is managing to remain much calmer than her mother. "I wonder where he could have gone. He just disappeared one day!"

"Are you guys sure he's gone?" Ami says. "Remember the time when you thought he was gone, but he was really just at the university?"

"No, this time I'm _sure_ he's gone! I called his apartment, I called the university, I even called Motoki-oniisan, but he hasn't seen him either!"

"Usagi, you need to calm down!" Makoto shouts.

"How can I?"

"Keep your mind off of him for a while."

"Well, how do I do that?"

"I know the _perfect_ way to forget all distractions," Minako says with a grin. "Shopping!"

Usagi's eyes light up, her mood immediately changing. "Yeah! Shopping! Let's go, everyone!"

Everyone looks amazed. They didn't know it was possible to change moods that fast. They all follow Usagi out the door.

Back at the mall, the guys who were in the men's section have all finished shopping, for they shop The Manly Way: Buy the first thing you see that fits. (Men! They don't truly appreciate shopping!) They all head over to the Food Court, even though breakfast was only an hour and a half ago (More typical manly behavior: eating like pigs! Of course, I eat like a pig too, but...uhhh, shut up!).

Back in the women's section, Fish Eye and Zoisite are still running around, trying on everything they see, and searching through every rack to make sure they see every possible piece of clothing (They are true shopping experts ^_^;;). Mamoru is now barely visible (Woo hoo! Now we can look at men _worth_ looking at ^_^) under the pile of bags and boxes Fish Eye and Zoisite are making him carry. He's only carrying Zoisite's because he said it would make Fish Eye happy, and Mamoru actually believed him (Poor, stupid brain-washed boy ^_^).

After dumping some more boxes on Mamoru, Fish Eye looks across the store and sees something he hadn't noticed before: A beautiful, floor-sweeping navy blue evening gown with a thigh high slit and lots of sparkling sequins. He quickly runs towards it, because there is only one left.

At the same time on the other end of the store, Zoisite comes out of a dressing room and sees something he hadn't noticed before: A beautiful, floor-sweeping navy blue evening gown with a thigh high slit and lots of sparkling sequins. He quickly runs towards it, because there is only one left.

Fish Eye and Zoisite reach the dress at the same time. They both try to grab it, but then they notice each other.

"Hey, back off, Zoisite! I saw this first!"

"No way, I got here before you!"

"If you did, which you didn't, it wouldn't be by very much!"

"Well, even if I got here 0.00000001 seconds before you, I'd still be first!" (This sound familiar? ^_^ Hey, since I'm already ripping off the characters, why not steal quotes and give them to other characters, ne?)

"Why do you want this dress? It's not like you could fit into it anyway!"

Zoisite glares at Fish Eye and says icily, "What do you mean by that?"

"What I mean is that you'll have to be on a diet more than a couple hours to fit into this dress. In fact, you wouldn't be able to fit into it if you dieted for a month! Well, like you could actually keep a diet that long anyway. I bet you won't even be able to keep it until tomorrow!"

"You wanna bet? Fine, we'll bet then! If I can keep my diet until tomorrow, then I get the dress."

"And if you don't, then I get the dress. It's a deal." They shake hands. "Now, let's go find the others."

"Where are they? They must be done shopping by now..." Zoisite knows that Kunzite shops The Manly Way, and figures the others do, too.

Fish Eye closes his eyes and tries to sense where they are. "They're in the Food Court. Let's go!"

Zoisite is relieved. He is now starving again and needs to get some food. He sighs because he knows that Fish Eye will now be watching his every move to make sure he doesn't cheat on his diet.

They spot the others sitting around a large table (Well, Mamoru doesn't see them...all he can see is boxes). They pull up three more chairs.

"Hey, Zoisite. Want a bite?" Kunzite holds a juicy, dripping hamburger out to him, filled with lettuce, tomatoes, onions, the works! Zoisite drools, but Fish Eye speaks up.

"He can't. He's on a diet, remember? Hamburgers are filled with fat."

"Well, what _can_ I eat, then?" Zoisite whines. He's so hungry, he's willing to eat just about _anything._

"There's a nice salad bar over there," Fish Eye says, pointing with a grin.

Zoisite pouts and goes over to the salad bar. A few minutes later, he returns with a plate full of veggies, not to mention a huge pout, too. Kunzite can't stop staring at him, for he thinks Zoisite is so cute when he pouts (So do I ^_^).

Fish Eye notices his pout, too. "Oh, what's wrong, Zoisite?" he says grinning.

"I don't _wanna_ eat this...this...rabbit food!" he whines, and sits back with his arms folded and a cross look on his face. Kunzite can't help but grin ^_^

"Oh, I guess I can have the dress then? It's either eat that or starve."

Zoisite sulks some more, but then starts picking at his salad as he watches the others pigging out on all sorts of food, like hamburgers, French fries, bento, udon, pizza and much more. He wishes Fish Eye would stop staring at him so he could at least sneak a few bites of the others' food... "Aren't you going to get something to eat, Fish Eye?"

"No, I'm fine. I'm still full from this morning."

"How can that be? You only had two waffles, and that was a couple hours ago! You should get something to eat, or you might pass out!"

"Why are you so eager to get rid of me, Zoisite? Are you hoping that if I go get something to eat, you can steal some of the others' food?"

Zoisite blushes. Caught.

"That's what I thought," Fish Eye says.

Zoisite finishes his salad, and is still starving. He _has_ to find a way to get rid of Fish Eye, or he's going to go crazy! He spots a glass of soda near Fish Eye and grins. He telekinetically tips the cup over, and it goes all over Fish Eye.

"Oh, no! I have to wash this off before the stain sets!" Zoisite grins widely as Fish Eye runs off to the bathroom. He turns to Kunzite, who has finished his hamburger and is now eating a chili dog.

"Kunzite-sama, can I have a bite of that chili dog?"

"But aren't you on a diet?"

"Only when Fish Eye is watching. But since he's not here right now, can I have a bite? Pleeeeease?"

"All right." Zoisite leans over and takes a huge bite out of the chili dog. Kunzite sweatdrops when he sees that there is only half left.

"Thanks, that was really good." Zoisite turns to Tiger's Eye, who is eating a pizza. "Say, Tiger's Eye...you can't really eat that _whole_ pizza, can you? Let me help!" He starts to reach for it, but Tiger's Eye pulls it closer to himself.

"No! It's mine!"

"Aww, come on! Just one slice? Pleeeeease?"

"No no no no no!"

Zoisite looks around for a way to distract Tiger's Eye. "Look, over there! A group of pretty young girls!"

"Where where where where?!" Tiger's Eye starts looking around, while Zoisite steals three slices of pizza and eats them in record time.

Nephrite looks over at the group of girls Zoisite was talking about. He gasps. "Oh my God, it's Them!"

Jadeite looks over too. "You're right!"

"Wait, who's 'Them'?"

"It's the Sailor Senshi in their civilian forms," Jadeite whispers.

They all gasp. Fish Eye comes back to the table. "What are you guys all staring at? And why are you all whispering?"

"Because of Them," they all whisper, while trying to hide behind their chairs.

Fish Eye looks over. "Hey, it's Usagi and Chibiusa and all their friends! I haven't seen them in a long time! I better go say 'Hi'!"

"No, don't!" Hawk's Eye says, pulling Fish Eye into his seat.

"Why not?"

"We don't want them to find out that we're here. They'll probably 'punish us in the name of the moon'," Zoisite whispers mockingly.

"And what will they do when they find out you have Mamoru?" Kunzite asks.

"I see your point. I can't _bear_ to have them take my Mamo-chan away from me!" Fish Eye cries, throwing his arms around Mamoru's neck, causing many boxes to fall to the floor. Everyone else sports sweatdrops (The fashion of tomorrow...Get yours today! Ehh, gomen ^_^;;).

"Umm, yeah, well anyway, we need to get out of here before they see us!" Jadeite says. Then they notice that the girls are walking straight towards them.

"We're in deep shit now..." Zoisite says…

The girls finally finish their shopping.

"What are we going to do now?" Chibiusa asks.

"Let's go to the Food Court!" Usagi yells, starting to skip towards it.

When they start nearing the Food Court, Minako squints and lets out a squeal. "Hey, look at that group of totally hot guys over there!"

All the others immediately become interested. "Where? Where where where where?!" they all start saying as they look around frantically.

"Over there, sitting at that big table!" Minako points to (who else?) the Shitennou and the Trio, plus Mamoru, but they can't see him because of all the boxes.

"You're right! Wow, they ARE hot! We should go over and talk to them!" Rei shouts.

"This is just the weirdest thing!" Makoto says. "If you put them all together, you could see _exactly_ what my senpai looks like!" The others fall to the floor with sweatdrops on their heads.

After getting up, Ami says, "I can't quite place it, but those guys look familiar, somehow. I just know I've seen them somewhere before..." (Sheesh, even the smartest one can't figure it out. Anime characters are soooo clueless!)

"Who cares? Let's go talk to them!" Minako shouts and starts leading the group over to the men, who are now all cowering behind their chairs, while Fish Eye quickly re-stacks the boxes to cover up Mamoru's face.

Minako is the first to reach them. "Hi there, guys. Are you having fun shopping?" she asks, being much bolder than the other girls.

"I guess..." Jadeite says. "Ummm, what do you girls want?"

"We want to get to know you guys better. By the way, I'm Aino Minako. This is Tsukino Usagi, Tsukino Chibiusa, Mizuno Ami, Hino Rei, and Kino Makoto."

All the girls bow and say, "Pleased to meet you."

"I'm..." Jadeite quickly tries to think of a fake name "Onosaka Masaya."

"I'm Mori Katsuji," Nephrite says.

"I'm Nanba Keiichi," Zoisite says.

"I'm Sogabe Kazuyuki," Kunzite says.

"I'm Furukawa Toshio," Hawk's Eye says.

"I'm Ishida Akira," Fish Eye says.

"I'm Okiayu Ryoutarou," Tiger's Eye says. "And we're all very pleased to meet you, too." (Heh heh, can you figure out where these "fake" names came from? If you can, you get a gold star, and you have too much free time on your hands...much like myself ^_^;;)

"And who's that guy behind all those boxes?" Usagi asks. All she can see are his hands, and they look somewhat familiar...

"He's, umm, just a mannequin," Fish Eye says, laughing nervously.

"I think a mannequin is smarter and has a better personality than who's really under there..." Zoisite mutters under his breath. Fish Eye gives him a Look.

"Oh, come on. Tell us who's really under there. How bad can it be? Is it someone dorky you're embarrassed to be seen with?" Minako asks.

"Yes," Zoisite says.

At the same time, Fish Eye says "No." He and Zoisite glare at each other.

"Fish Eye, anyone who is not embarrassed to be seen with him is completely insane!"

"Fish Eye?" the girls say, trying to place the name.

"You say I'm insane, Zoisite? Don't make me laugh! Compared to you, I'm a genius!"

"Zoisite?" The girls continue to try to figure out where they've heard these names before...

"Genius? Anyone who turns Mamoru into their brainwashed love slave should be locked up and have their sanity seriously analyzed!"

"Mamoru?!" the girls all yell. Finally, a name they know.

Ami suddenly gasps. "I know who they are! The Dark Kingdom Shitennou and the Amazon Trio!"

The girls all gasp. "I thought they were dead, and the Trio was healed!" Rei yells.

"Well, we're not now!" Jadeite says.

"Enough of that, give me my Mamo-chan back!" Usagi and Chibiusa dive on top of Mamoru. He is knocked to the floor with all the boxes piled on top of him, and the girls start trying to dig him out.

"Stop that!" Fish Eye screeches and runs over to them, trying to pull the girls off. "He's MINE now! MINE MINE MINE MINE!" He trips them and they both fall on their faces.

"And he called _me_ insane..." Zoisite mutters.

Finally, Fish Eye manages to dig Mamoru out of the pile. "We've got to get out of here!"

"How?" Hawk's Eye asks.

"The fastest way is to teleport," Kunzite says.

"But won't people see us?" Nephrite asks.

"Well, right now, we'll just have to risk that." They all gather up their bags and boxes and teleport back to the forest.

Meanwhile, the girls are helping Usagi and Chibiusa get up.

"My head is spinning round and round..." Chibiusa mumbles.

"Where's Mamo-chan?"

The other girls take in a deep breath. Makoto puts a hand on Usagi's shoulder. "They took him with them, Usagi-chan."

"Oh no!" Usagi yells, fighting back tears. "Where did they go?"

"We don't know for sure yet, but I will find out," Ami says, starting to mess with her mini-computer.

"Ami-chan, don't do that here. There are people all around! Let's go back to Hikawa Jinja." Rei says.

"OK," Ami says, and they all head back.

Once there, they all sit on the porch. Luna, Artemis, and Diana are there as well. They tell the story to the kitties.

"This is very bad," Artemis says. "Old enemies having the ability to come back is very dangerous. If those guys can come back, maybe all of them will..."

Ami frowns as she messes with her computer. "It seems they went to another world; a place that is nearly deserted...these readings are very strange. It's like there's some kind of spell on the world that they're in..."

"The important thing is, is it possible to teleport there?"

"Yes."

"Then let's all transform and go!" Usagi says standing up.

Everyone nods. "OK!"

"Mercury Crystal Power..."

"Mars Crystal Power..."

"Jupiter Crystal Power..."

"Venus Crystal Power..."

"Moon Crisis..."

"MAKE UP!"

After they finish transforming (And the people watching wake up -_-ZzZzZzZz -_o mmm? o_o -_- o_o *pika pika*) they all join hands and stand in a circle.

"Sailor..." Luna says.

"TELEPORT!" Artemis finishes.

Wind starts to blow around the girls. The rocks on the ground start to crumble in a circle around them. They all start to glow their colors and the light gets brighter and brighter. The light disappears and they are gone.

"Good luck, everyone."

"I hope they get Mamoru-sama back soon," Diana says worriedly.

"Don't worry, they will," Artemis says. "I hope..."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Well, that's it for this episode! Sorry it took a little longer than the other parts, but I had finals (Ergh :P). Hopefully, the next episode will be coming soon! Don't forget, comments, questions, and Pocky go to sailorspazz Ja naaaa!


	4. A Shocking New Arrival!  More Strangers in the Forest

Welcome to part 4! Hope you live to tell about it...

Characters property of others. Please don't sue, for all you will get is a pocket full of Venus Crescent Beans (Yeah, I know that was a bad joke. Don't sue me for that either...)

Completed 2/19/98

Bishounen No Mori

Episode 4: A Shocking New Arrival! More Strangers in the Forest.

Written by: I don't really need to tell you, do I? You should know by now!

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The seven bishounen plus Mamoru appear back in their house in the forest (Please, readers, feel free to use the drool buckets located around the room. We wouldn't want a flood now, would we?).

"Oh man, that was close..." Kunzite says, flopping down on the couch.

"Yeah," Zoisite agrees, flopping down on Kunzite.

"What are we going to do?" Fish Eye says worriedly. "What if they come here to take my Mamo-chan away?"

"I, personally, would be grateful," Zoisite mumbles, earning a glare from Fish Eye.

"How would they be able to get here, anyway?" Jadeite asks. He still doesn't completely understand what's going on, as the others hadn't given him a thorough explanation earlier.

"They would probably have Pegasus bring them here," Fish Eye explains. "Since he's been hiding in Chibiusa's dream all along, she could just ask him to bring them all here, and then they would take my Mamo-chan away!" He throws his arms around Mamoru's neck, nearly choking him. Zoisite looks hopeful when he sees Mamoru turning blue, but then Fish Eye notices too and loosens his grip. Zoisite mutters darkly under his breath...

Jadeite tries to stay on the topic. "Well, what should we do to prepare for them, if they get here?"

"Nothing!" Zoisite says. "I'll _gladly_ let them take Mamoru back. And, if we're lucky, maybe they'll take Fish Eye too."

"Zoisite, do you want to get your ass kicked?" Fish Eye snarls.

"HA! I'd like to see you try!"

"Fine!" Fish Eye takes out a knife and throws it, but his aim is _way_ off and the knife doesn't even come within five feet of Zoisite. Everyone falls to the floor laughing.

"Stop laughing!" Fish Eye yells angrily and throws another knife. This one is even farther off than the first one and sticks into the wall on the opposite side of the room. He gets angrier and continues to throw knives while the others continue to roll on the floor laughing. When he runs out of knives, he starts crying and runs up to his bedroom. Mamoru follows him closely. This is his big chance to cheer Fish Eye up and assure himself that Fish Eye will stay with him.

"Yay! Two annoyances gone!" Zoisite cheers.

"But I know of at least one that's still here..." Nephrite mumbles. Zoisite glares at him.

"Well, what do we do now?" Jadeite asks, still trying to stay on the subject.

"I say we get something to eat!" Zoisite yells excitedly. "With Fish Eye upstairs, I can eat whatever I want!"

"OK, then let's go to the kitchen." They all get up and go to the bar/kitchen. Zoisite immediately attacks the food refrigerator and Nephrite immediately attacks the booze refrigerator. The rest of them stand back, for if they get too close, they may get ripped apart by those two savage beasts (Hee hee, I'm so mean :D). A few minutes later, both emerge with tons and tons of stuff to eat and drink. Zoisite is so hungry that he eats a frozen dinner...without heating it up o_O;; The others back away from him ever so slightly...everyone else is more patient and they actually heat up what they're eating. Kunzite notices a bowl of salad sitting untouched near Zoisite.

"Zoisite, if you're not going to eat that, why do you have it there?

Zoisite swallows and says, "Because if Fish Eye comes back down here I have to pretend I'm eating it so he won't know I'm cheating on my diet."

"Ooh, good plan," Kunzite says approvingly, glad that Zoisite isn't a complete airhead and can think for himself every once in a while (Once again, see how mean I am? I don't really mean to be, honest! I love these characters!). Then Kunzite digs into his own food...

A while later, everyone is too full/drunk to eat/drink anymore (Can you guess who's the drunkest? ^_^;;) so Tiger's Eye, Hawk's Eye, and Nephrite decide to argue some more about women (Well, actually, Nephrite just wants to stay near the bar...) Jadeite decides to watch TV, and Kunzite and Zoisite decide to look around the house, for they still haven't seen the whole thing. They walk out into the backyard, and Zoisite's eyes light up with a mischievous glint.

"Look, Kunzite-sama! They have a hot tub!"

"Yes, I can see that..." Kunzite notices the glint in Zoisite's eyes and gets a little worried. He knows that look always means trouble...

"Let's go for a swim!"

"But Zoisite, we don't have any swimming suits!"

"So?" Zoisite giggles and pushes Kunzite in, fully dressed. He laughs and jumps in after him.

"Augh! My hair is all wet! It took me _forever_ to do my hair this morning!"

"Aww, don't be such a baby, Kunzy-chan!" Zoisite says, unbuttoning Kunzite's shirt. "In a minute, you won't care anyway..."

Kunzite sighs. Zoisite is probably right. Well, as long as they're in the hot tub, he might as well have some fun (^_-). He grins and starts undoing Zoisite's belt.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The Sailor Senshi open their eyes and find themselves near a dark forest. They all look around in confusion. Chibi Moon gasps when she realizes that they are in Elysion, which is where Pegasus lived until the Dead Moon Circus came and ruined it.

"Where are we?" Sailor Venus asks, looking around. "It's so dark and deserted..."

"I think it's scary!" Sailor Moon whines. "I wanna go home!"

"Don't you want to get Mamoru-san back?" Sailor Mars asks, getting annoyed with Usagi (AGAIN :P).

"Oh yeah. For a second, I forgot why we came here." The others all sigh and drop their heads, except Chibi Moon, who is still looking around surprised.

"Chibi Moon, are you all right?" Sailor Mercury asks, looking concerned.

"Yes, I'm fine," she says, snapping out of her daze. She is frustrated that she still can't tell the others about Pegasus, or his real name, Helios. If she tried to call him here, the others would surely find out. Since he is hiding in her dream mirror, she decides to try calling him telepathically: _Helios, somehow, my friends and I came to your world. Please, come help us!_ Suddenly, there is a bright flash of light and Helios appears in his Pegasus form.

"Heli...I mean, Pegasus! How did you know we were here?" Chibi Moon asks, pretending to be surprised.

"I felt as if some strangers had entered my world." He stares down at Chibi Moon, making her blush. "What is the reason you are here?"

Sailor Moon walks up, completely destroying the romantic mood (Ahh, that girl-horse romance :P). "The Amazon Trio and the Dark Kingdom Shitennou stole my Mamo-chan and we teleported after them and they came to this place!"

"I see..."

"Pegasus, do you know why the Dark Kingdom Shitennou are living again? I was pretty sure that they were all killed long ago," Mercury says.

"I brought them back to life and brought them here to live in my Crystal Forest."

"Why?"

"I wanted to give them another chance. Since their leader has been destroyed, they really don't have any reason to fight against you anymore."

"But they _are_ evil! They stole my Mamo-chan!" Sailor Moon yells.

"No, the Shitennou didn't. It was Fish Eye who stole and brainwashed him."

"Fish Eye? I should have known! He even tried to steal Mamo-chan when he was working under the Dead Moon Circus! Ooh, he's gonna pay for that!" Sailor Moon starts punching and kicking the air, but loses her balance and falls down. She cries and everyone else gets sweatdrops -_-;;

"Well, anyway, how do we get to the Crystal Forest?" Mercury asks, trying to stay on task.

"The entrance is right over there," Pegasus says, pointing with his horn (Do I make you horny, baby? Do I?). "But I have to go now. Goodbye, everyone."

"How dare he! Why didn't he stay and guide us through the forest?!" Sailor Moon asks, getting up.

"Because Pegasus is only an illusion and he can't keep that form for very long..." Chibi Moon says. She covers her mouth and the others crowd around her.

"Chibi Moon, how did you know that? Are you hiding something from us? Do you know something about Pegasus that we don't?" Mercury asks gently.

Chibi Moon looks down. "No, I was just guessing..." she says quietly, wanting so badly to tell them everything...but she promised Helios she wouldn't tell, and she didn't want to break any promises to him. "Let's just go get Mamo-chan back." She quickly walks off towards the forest, and the others follow her, still wondering what she's hiding...

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Oh Mamo-chaaaaaaaan! Don't go to sleep! I'm not done showing you my outfits yet!" Fish Eye yells cheerfully.

Mamoru is sitting on the bed, nearly asleep. He'd liked it a lot better when Fish Eye was depressed. When they had first gotten into the room, he'd just had to listen to Fish Eye's crying and do his best to comfort him. When he had finally gotten over being embarrassed, he _insisted_ on showing Mamoru every single outfit he had bought that day. Mamoru was so bored, he kept nodding off, so Fish Eye is now making sure to be extra loud so Mamoru can't fall asleep. Fish Eye runs out of the closet again (He's coming out of the closet? Wait, hasn't he already done that?).

"How do you like this one?" he yells. Mamoru snaps to attention.

"Oh, it's wonderful, dear. You know, I could sit and watch you all day," he says with a fake grin.

"That's good, because I'm not even half done yet." Fish Eye runs back into the closet and Mamoru starts banging his head against the wall. He has to find something else for Fish Eye to do, or he's going to go insane (Even more so ^_-). Fish Eye walks back in again.

"Ne ne, Mamo-chan, what do you think of-" Fish Eye is cut off as Mamoru sweeps him into his arms. "Ooh, what's gotten into you?" he says giggling.

"I think we should find something more exciting to do," Mamoru says.

"Well, I think it would be fun to go for a nice swim in the hot tub..." Fish Eye says grinning.

"OK, I'll get my swimming suit."

"Oh no, there will be no need for that, if you get my drift," Fish Eye says with a wink ^_-

"Ah, I see what you mean." Mamoru grins and carries Fish Eye downstairs and out the back door. When they get outside, Mamoru trips over a pair of pants lying on the ground and lands on his face. Fish Eye flies out of his arms and right into the hot tub...well, actually, he flies right into Zoisite, and knocks Kunzite under water.

"OUCH! What the hell are you doing here?!" Zoisite screeches, trying to push Fish Eye off of him.

"What am _I_ doing here?! This is _my_ hot tub, so maybe I should ask what _you're_ doing here!"

Well, _hello!_ Isn't it obvious?! Let's see, Kunzite-sama and I are naked together in a hot tub. What do you _think_ we're doing? Playing Marco Polo?!"

Speaking of Kunzite, he is currently under water, trying to get up to get some air (He's trying to "get up to get some?" Hmmm). However, with Zoisite on top of him and Fish Eye on top of Zoisite it's pretty difficult (Especially since Zoisite's been cheating on his "diet" so much). Kunzite decides to pinch Zoisite to get him up.

"YOUCH!" Zoisite yells, holding his backside.

Kunzite comes up from the water, blushing. _Oops, guess I pinched him a little too hard,_ he thinks. Then he notices Fish Eye staring at him in places that were only meant for Zoisite to see. "Hey, cut that out!" Kunzite covers himself up with Zoisite's body, who is still whimpering that Kunzite pinched him.

"Stop it, Kunzite-sama! You can cover yourself up! Eek, now Fish Eye's looking at meeee!" Zoisite screams, trying to cover himself up. By now, Mamoru has gotten up and is jealous that Fish Eye is in a hot tub staring at two other naked men. He quickly pulls him out of the hot tub. Fish Eye rips his eyes away from them and looks at Mamoru.

"What do you want to do now?" he says, smiling up at Mamoru.

"Let's go back inside..." Mamoru grumbles. He starts to turn around to go back inside when...

"Stop right there!" a familiar voice says from the bushes.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The Sailor Senshi have been walking through the woods for a while. Sailor Moon has been complaining that her feet hurt while the others try to figure out what's wrong with Chibi Moon, who is trudging along silently at the head of the group. Suddenly, she stops, causing Sailor Moon, who was walking right behind her, to trip over her and land on her face.

"Ouch! Why did you stop so suddenly?" Sailor Moon whines, rubbing her nose.

"I thought I heard something. Be quiet, everyone." They all stand completely still for a minute. Sure enough, they can all hear a bunch of yelling and splashing sounds.

"It's coming from that direction. Let's go!" Jupiter says. They all start running and soon they can see a large house.

"That must be where they're hiding Mamo-chan!" Sailor Moon yells.

"Please be quiet. We need to sneak up on them," Mercury says.

"HA! You're trusting _Sailor Moon_ to be quiet? I'd like to see that!" Mars says.

"Rei-chan, you're so mean! Beee~~~DA!" Moon yells and sticks her tongue out at her. Mars sticks her tongue out too, and they stop running so they can get up in each other's faces sticking their tongues out (That sounds bad, but please stop your hentai thoughts).

Jupiter sighs. "Would you two knock it off? We don't want them to hear us." They get close to the house and hide in the bushes. They all get sweatdrops at the scene before them: Kunzite and Zoisite are in the hot tub, probably nude, judging from all the clothes lying on the ground. Fish Eye is also in the hot tub, staring at the other two, who are screaming and trying to cover themselves up. Suddenly, Mamoru gets up off the ground, with a squashed nose. He pulls Fish Eye out of the hot tub.

"There's Mamo-chan!" Sailor Moon yells. "I've got to save him!"

"Wait! We need a plan first..." Mercury starts to say, but the others have already started to run out of the bushes. She sighs and follows them.

"Stop right there!" Sailor Moon yells. "For love and justice, I am the pretty sailor-suited soldier..."

"Hey, Sailor Moon!" Chibi Moon yells. "We're supposed to do the speech together! I'm not gonna let you take all the glory!"

"But I'm the most important one! You're still in training!"

"No, I'm not! I'm a real Senshi now, remember?"

"Stop fighting!" Venus yells. "Just forget the speech, let's go get them!"

"Right!" Sailor Moon yells and starts running. However, she trips over a pair of boxers lying on the ground and goes flying into the hot tub, landing on Zoisite.

"What does this look like, a pool party? Get out! Haven't you ever heard of a thing called 'privacy'?!" Zoisite yells, trying to shove Sailor Moon out. She starts crying. "Quit being a crybaby! If you don't shut up, I'll drown you!" This, of course, only makes Sailor Moon cry harder. Chibi Moon tries to pull Sailor Moon out, but she's not strong enough and Moon is too heavy, so she comes tumbling in, too. Zoisite screams in frustration, and Kunzite starts laughing. Zoisite glares at him. "What's so damn funny?"

"I just think this whole scene is too insane!"

A girl wearing a green and purple Sailor fuku holding a camera (The same one Zoi-boy used to take pictures of Fishy and Nephy) hiding in a tree and taking pictures of the scene says, "I think this whole fic is insane, and I'm the one writing it!" She looks up and sees that the camera is now on her. "Hey! Don't look at me! Back to the fic! Back to the fic!"

The other Senshi start running towards Mamoru and Fish Eye, being careful not to trip over any more of the clothes strewn about the yard.

Suddenly, Jadeite, Nephrite, Hawk's Eye, and Tiger's Eye all wander out into the back yard, wondering what all the commotion is about. The Senshi run into Jadeite, Tiger's Eye, and Hawk's Eye, causing all of them to fall to the ground. While everyone is on the ground trying to sort out their limbs, Mamoru and Fish Eye sneak into the house unnoticed. Nephrite, who is the only one who didn't fall down, is stumbling around drunk, singing off-key.

"One hundred bottles of beer on the wall, one hundred bottles of beeeeer! Ya take 'em all down, don't pass 'em around, so ya have 'em all to ya seeeelf!" Nephrite starts giggling insanely and stumbles closer to the hot tub, still clutching one of his bottles of beer. He hasn't had one hundred yet, but the day is young...

Kunzite and Zoisite finally manage to get Moon and Chibi Moon out of the hot tub, only to find Nephrite stumbling towards them.

"Oh no you don't, Nephrite! Don't come any closer! Stay back!" Zoisite yells...but it's waaaay too late for that. Nephrite trips over his own feet and splashes into the hot tub, once again landing on Zoisite.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Zoisite screeches and tries to shove Nephrite off, but he's much too heavy. Kunzite continues to crack up. Zoisite glares at him. "You could help me, you know, instead of just sitting there laughing at me!"

"Ewww, but then I'd have to _touch_ Nephrite! No way!" Kunzite says giggling.

"Geez, Kunzite, what are you on?! Quit acting like an idiot and help me!"

"All right. This one's for you, baby!" Kunzite says giggling. He simply lifts Nephrite over his head and throws him out onto the grass.

"Wheeee!" Nephrite squeals.

Zoisite rolls his eyes.

Meanwhile, by the back door to the house, everyone else has managed to untangle from each other.

"All right, where's Mamo-chan?" Sailor Moon yells.

"How the hell should we know? We just got out here!" Hawk's Eye says.

"Where'd Fish Eye go?"

"Maybe they went inside," the ever-helpful Jadeite suggests.

Nephrite walks (Well, stumbles) up to them. "Well, what are ya'll waitin' for? Let's get this hootenanny rollin'! Yeeeeeee haw!" Everyone else sweatdrops.

"We're not going anywhere, are we, Kunzite-sama?" Zoisite says, looking at Kunzite.

"Yeah, I guess we're staying here.

"Now, let's go inside and get my Mamo-chan back!" Moon yells.

"OK!"

Once the others have gone inside, Zoisite smiles at Kunzite. "Now, where were we?"

"I believe we were right here," Kunzite says, pulling Zoisite into a long, passionate kiss.

(I will go no further into this scene. If you were looking for a hentai story, you won't find it here ^_^).

Meanwhile, in Fish Eye's bedroom...

"Oh no, Mamo-chan! We've got to get out of here fast, or else they'll take you with them!"

"Why would they want to take me with them? Do I know them?"

"Erm...ah, well...they probably just think you're really hot!" Fish Eye says nervously. If Mamoru remembers who they are, he will surely dump him!

Suddenly, a large group of people enters the room.

"Stop right there!"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Where do you think they went?" Venus asks.

"They probably went to Fish Eye's bedroom," Tiger's Eye says.

"Where is that?!" Moon yells.

"Follow me!" Hawk's Eye says.

"Why are you guys helping us?" Mercury asks suspiciously.

"Because there's nothing better to do," Hawk's Eye says. "Now, to make this more fun, form a line behind me and march. And call me your leader! And surrender all of your jewels and mothers to me! And make me your king!"

Everyone: '_';;

"Hey, it was worth a try."

They all continue to follow Hawk's Eye. "Go in this door." The girls quickly throw open the door and see Fish Eye and Mamoru.

"Stop right there!" Sailor Moon shouts.

"Oh, shit!" Fish Eye yells.

"Hey, watch that language, mister!" Sailor Moon shouts. "I have a young daughter here, you know!"

"Why does that voice sound so familiar?" Mamoru wonders.

"No, Mamo-chan! No, it doesn't sound familiar!" Fish Eye yells desperately.

"But it _does_ sound familiar..." He continues to try to remember.

"That's it! We're outta here!" Fish Eye yells and quickly teleports himself and Mamoru away.

"Oh no!" Sailor Moon yells. "Where did they go now? How will we find them?!"

"They went to Tokyo," Jadeite says, quickly tracing the teleportation.

"How will we get there?" Jupiter asks.

"We can teleport, so just come with us," Tiger's Eye says.

"I still can't believe you're helping us. I think this is a trap," Mercury says.

"Listen, we're only helping because we're tired of having Mamoru around the house. He's sooo annoying!" Hawk's Eye says. "So come on! The sooner you get him back, the sooner he'll be out of our lives!"

"Ohh! Are we going on a field trip, Mumsy?" Nephrite asks in a horrible British accent, giggling stupidly.

"Ahh, geez. Is he still drunk? Yare yare -_-;;" Hawk's Eye mumbles.

"Well, I guess he could come along too. It'll be funny!" Jadeite says.

"All right, let's go!" They all stand close together and disappear in a big flash of light.

That's the end of episode 4! Sorry it took me longer to write, but I was being lazy :P Also, I was working on my brand spanking new web page!

Comments, criticism and rice candy go to sailorspazz


	5. Love is in the Air!  Insanity at the Mall

Heh heh, just humor me and _try_ to have fun reading this, okay? (Come on, try harder...There ya go!)

Note for this episode: For those who don't know, there is an episode in SuperS (#141) where Minako has dates with both Tiger's Eye and Hawk's Eye at the same time, but she doesn't know they're villains and they don't know she's a Senshi. Actually, they were having a competition to see who would get to see her dream mirror first (I hope these notes will help you understand this fan-fic better ^_^ But how can _you_ when even _I_ barely get it? Aww well).

You know that usual long boring disclaimer thingy? Consider it here. If I _had_ written it out, it would have been even longer and more boring than usual, since I've infringed on even more companies than before..I mean, look down! The first place I've used something that's not mine is before the story even starts!

Completed: 4/11/98

Bishounen no Mori

Episode 5: Love is in the Air! Insanity at the Mall.

Written by: Well, who _else_ would write something this insane? Yare yare no da -_-;; (Oops, I'm talking like Chichiri again. Gomen no da...ergh!).

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Oh, quick Mamo-chan! We need a place to hide!" Fish Eye says, looking around the streets of Tokyo frantically. He runs back to the mall that they had shopped at in the morning and looks for a store to hide in. "Let's go in here!" he yells, pointing to a wig shop. They quickly run inside. "Wow, look at all these wigs!" Fish Eye says, hoping to distract Mamoru so he won't have a chance at getting his memories back.

"Yeah, they're really pretty," Mamoru grins, "But not as pretty as you." Fish Eye smiles back. Then, one wig catches Mamoru's eye (Ow, wouldn't it hurt to get your eye caught on a wig?). It's a Sailor Moon wig, complete with odango. "Odango atama..." he whispers, his eyes temporarily losing the trademark brainwashed look. "Usako..."

Fish Eye becomes furious. "We're outta here!" he yells and drags Mamoru out of the wig shop. Mamoru's eyes go back to looking brainwashed, but he still wonders why that wig looked so familiar...Fish Eye desperately tries to think of a way to make Mamoru forget Usagi permanently...but how? There are so many things that remind him of her. Then Fish Eye sees a place he's pretty sure Usagi's never been to: the book store. "Hey, Mamo-chan, let's go in there!" Before he can reply, Fish Eye drags him inside. They both look around confused at the huge crowd. Then Fish Eye notices a huge sign that says, 'Today only! Meet the author of Sailor Moon, Takeuchi Naoko!'

Mamoru reads the sign too. "Sailor Moon..." he whispers, wondering why it sounds so familiar. Once again, his eyes go back to normal. "The pretty girl sailor-suited soldier who fights for love and justice..."

"NO!" Fish Eye screams, earning looks from everyone in the store (Heh heh, he isn't cheap and gets his looks for free, he _earns_ them ^_^). They all look on confused as Fish Eye drags a once more brain-washed Mamoru out of the book store. He doesn't even look as he runs into the next store, which just "happens" to be an adult novelty store ^_- Mamoru looks around fascinated. Fish Eye breathes a sigh of relief. There's no way _this_ store can remind him of Usagi. Fish Eye knows that Usagi is probably a goody-goody and would never even _think_ of sleeping with Mamoru until they were married. Well, that's what Fish Eye thinks...

Mamoru stares at some of the tiny lacy garments. "Usako wore something like this once..." he mumbles, holding up something made of leather and lace. It also has a tag on it that reads, 'Buy two and get a free whip!'

"Oh my God, that's MORE than I needed to know!" Fish Eye yells, starting to wonder if Chibiusa is really Usagi and Mamoru's _future_ child...He finally drags Mamoru into the Food Court, drawing much attention, for Fish Eye is yelling that Mamoru has no former life and that he's always been with _him._

"Are you sure?" Mamoru asks, confused. "I'm sure that I know those people from somewhere. Especially the one with odango and long blonde pig-tails..." He starts to wonder about this again, his eyes flashing between normal and brain-washed.

"No! Stop that!" Fish Eye says, looking at Mamoru's eyes. He quickly kisses Mamoru. When he finally releases him, he sees that his eyes have stopped flickering and are back to looking brain-washed. Fish Eye breathes a sigh of relief. "Now, why don't we get something to eat?" he says grinning.

"Okay," Mamoru agrees, as they walk around looking at some of the food stands.

Fish Eye suddenly gets the strange feeling that he's being watched, but ignores it and continues to walk along with Mamoru.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The people walking down the streets of Tokyo stare and rub their eyes as a large group consisting of six girls in short skirts and four men (One of whom is stumbling around drunk) suddenly appears in the middle of the sidewalk. They all quickly run to their optometrists and psychiatrists, some of them yelling about the aliens coming to get them.

"Pssh, what's their problem? Haven't they ever seen anyone teleport before?" Jadeite mumbles.

"Who cares about them, let's go find Mamo-chan!" Sailor Moon yells, determined. She looks in a store window and her eyes turn into stars. "Ooh, 60% off everything in the store? Why don't we shop for a while?"

Everyone sighs. How is it possible for _anyone_ to have such a short attention span? Mars wants to yell at her, but Chibi Moon beats her to it. "USAGI! Have you forgotten why we came back here?!"

Mars sulks. _That's MY line..._ she thinks, crossing her arms and glaring at Chibi Moon, but she doesn't notice.

Sailor Moon thinks hard for a second. She hits herself in the head a couple times to get her brain working again. "Oh yeah, Mamo-chan! Where did he and Fish Eye go?" she asks, turning to the guys. They quickly get rid of their sweatdrops.

"Oh...just a second." Hawk's Eye closes his eyes and senses where they are. "They're at the mall."

Mars opens her mouth to comment, but once again, Chibi Moon says something first. "Oh, _great!_ " she mumbles. "At the mall, we'll _never_ be able to keep Usagi's attention long enough to have her free Mamo-chan!" Mars swears under her breath and punches a wall. If Chibi Moon keeps stealing her comments she'll...no, she _couldn't_ do that, could she?...Anyways, they all head towards the mall.

"How can we go to the mall _now_? I don't even have any money with me!" Sailor Moon whines.

Everyone hangs their heads. They don't even want to _try_ to explain the situation again...

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Back in the forest, Kunzite and Zoisite are still in the hot tub...

"Kunzite-sama, I'm hungry!"

"Again?!"

"Yeah! Let's go to the kitchen."

"But..." Kunzite stutters.

"What?!" Zoisite yells, exasperated. When he's hungry, he won't let _anyone_ stand in his way, not even Kunzite.

"Never mind..." Kunzite sighs. He really doesn't want to stop yet, but when Zoisite is hungry...well, there's no stopping him.

They both walk inside (Still naked, mind you) and Zoisite looks around for food. "Man, there's not much left! Where did all the food go?!"

Kunzite remains silent, for he knows that if he reminds Zoisite that he ate it all...well, he doesn't want to know what Zoisite will do...

"Hallelujah! I found some granola bars!" He rips open the box and starts scarfing them down.

Kunzite watches in amazement. _How can he eat so much?_ he wonders. Soon, Zoisite has finished the whole box.

"OK, back to what we were doing before!" he says grinning.

Kunzite is still amazed. _He sure can change moods fast,_ he thinks. Out loud, he says, "Where should we do it this time? The hot tub again? Our bedroom?"

"No..." Zoisite gives him a sexy look. "Right here," he says, getting on top of the table.

Kunzite is amazed yet again. "Are you sure this table is strong enough? It looks kind of old..."

"Who cares? It's not _our_ table, is it?"

"No. So I guess it's all right," Kunzite says grinning, also climbing up onto the table...

(Once again, I'm cutting off the scene here. Sorry, hentai fans everywhere).

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Finally, the six Senshi, the two former Trio members, and the two former Shitennou reach the mall. It took much longer than they had planned, for they'd had to pry Sailor Moon off of every store window they walked by. By the time they got there, they were all exhausted. Of course, now that they're in the mall, Moon is going even more crazy, still bouncing around and squealing about sales (Kind of like the way Mokona bounces around ^_^;; Puu puu!). Also, Nephrite continues to get even more drunk. He just keeps pulling bottle after bottle of beer out of his jacket and chugging them down.

Nephrite finishes another bottle. "Mmmm...BEEFY!" he says giggling, "Feed the need!" He falls over giggling like a maniac.

"Ooh, that looks like a fun store! Let's go there!" (You can just guess who said that ^_^;;)

Everyone who isn't drunk or looking in store windows puts their heads in their hands. "Why me?" they all say (Author: Because I'm making you do it! Mwahahahahaha! *Power tripping*).

"Ooh, that's a cute dress!" Sailor Moon exclaims, staring at a beautiful floor-sweeping navy-blue evening gown with a thigh-high slit and lots of sparkling sequins. (Sound familiar? If it doesn't, go back and read Episode 3). She stares at it in a daze and walks into the store, unnoticed by everyone else...

"So anyway, where are Fish Eye and Mamoru-san?" Venus asks, shoving herself in between Tiger's Eye and Hawk's Eye and putting her arms through each of one of theirs.

They both look at her with a sweatdrop and Hawk's Eye says, "They're in the Food Court." They all start walking, none of them noticing that Sailor Moon is no longer with them.

"Oh, but that's all the way on the other end of the mall!" Venus says. She gets a sly look. "Perhaps one of you would like to carry me?" she asks hopefully.

"No!" they both say loudly.

Venus continues to smile at both of them. "Say, would each of you like to go out with me sometime? I'm sure it would be lots of fun!"

They both sweatdrop again. "Venus, don't you remember? You _did_ go out with us!" Hawk's Eye says.

"Yeah, and you were trying to have both dates at the same time!" Tiger's Eye adds.

"Oh yeah! Now I remember," Venus says laughing. "But...wasn't it fun? Don't you want to do it again?"

"Well, _I_ don't," Hawk's Eye says. "You're only 15 years old. I don't go for young girls."

"Awww, why not? Didn't you have fun at the movie with me?"

" _With_ you? Hel-LO? Remember how you stuck me with that old lady so you could run off with Tiger's Eye?!"

"Well, I thought you said you _liked_ older women," Venus says, giggling nervously.

He growls and turns to Tiger's Eye. "You see, _this_ is why I don't like young girls! They're too crazy!" He pulls his arm away from Venus and she pouts, but then instantly beams up at Tiger's Eye.

"So, will _you_ go out with me? I promise I'll do it on a day when I don't have any other dates planned! Well...I mean...OK, I can't _promise_ I won't have other dates but...well, how about this? I'll do it on a day when I don't have _two_ other dates, OK?"

Everyone sweatdrops -_-;;

"Um, Venus, no offense but...no," Tiger's Eye says, taking his arm back. She pouts at him too.

"Well, who _can_ I go out with?" she says, looking to Jadeite and Nephrite. She smiles at Jadeite. "Jade-chan! How are you doing?" she squeals, latching herself onto his arm. "You know, when you were fighting the other Senshi, I was Sailor V. I never even got to meet you!"

Jadeite sweatdrops. "Um, Venus? No offense, but I don't want to go out with you either..." She pretends not to hear him and holds onto his arm tighter.

Jupiter walks up and latches herself onto Jadeite's other arm. "Do you want to go out with _me?_ I'm a good cook and I can clean the house really well. Some people say I'd make a great wife!"

Venus growls at her. "Hey, I saw him first! He's _mine!_ You can go out with Nephrite!" They all turn to Nephrite, who is doing the Macarena as he walks, being careful not to spill his beer, of course.

"Hey, Macarena!"

"Umm...no. You take him! I'm sure he'd like you better!"

"Well, why don't we let _him_ decide?" Venus says. "Nephrite! Which one of us do you want?" They both try to make themselves look ugly so Nephrite won't pick them.

Nephrite gets a silly smirk on his face. "Yo quiero Taco Bell! Hee hee hee hee! I'm a Chihuahua!"

Everyone sweatdrops. "I meant which one of us _girls_ do you want?"

Nephrite looks at them all carefully. "I like her!" he says, pointing to Mercury.

"Wha-WHAT?!" Mercury yells, caught off guard.

"Oooh, wait to go, Ami-chan!" Mars and Chibi Moon both say (Giving away Mercury's secret identity in the process -_-), elbowing Mercury on each arm as she blushes furiously.

"Stop it, you guys!" she says, blushing harder. She looks around for a way to take the attention away from herself. "Hey, isn't that Kunzite and Zoisite over there in that furniture store?" she says quickly, pointing. The others all look.

"Hey, it is! What are they doing here?" Chibi Moon wonders.

"Let's go find out!" Mars shouts. They all nod and walk over to them, Mercury breathing a sigh of relief...

"Hello, Kunzite, Zoisite," Jupiter says.

They both look over. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Fish Eye and Mamoru-san came here and we followed them," Mars says. "But why are you guys in this furniture store? I thought you were...enjoying yourselves in the hot tub." Everyone looks slightly ill at the thought.

They both blush. "We...uh...need to get a new kitchen table," Kunzite says sheepishly.

"Why? We already have one," Hawk's Eye says.

"Yeah, but it's...broken now..." Zoisite says, looking very guilty.

"What? How could it break?" Tiger's Eye asks.

Kunzite and Zoisite both turn very red. "Um...you don't _really_ want to know, do you?" Kunzite asks.

"Yes." they all say.

"Let's just say we started...enjoying ourselves, as Mars put it, on the table..." Zoisite says, he and Kunzite both feeling completely embarrassed.

"OK, so I guess we really _didn't_ want to know that..." Tiger's Eye says.

"Well, since you guys are living in our house, _we_ should get to pick out the table," Hawk's Eye says.

"But, well, how can I put this tactfully...oh, screw it, you guys just have absolutely NO taste!" Zoisite says.

"Yeah," Kunzite agrees. "Don't you want your house to look stylish?"

"Hey, I have good taste!" Tiger's Eye says. Everyone gives him a strange look.

"Oh, really?" Zoisite says, reaching up and taking off one of Tiger's Eye's big chunky clunky earrings. "You call _this_ stylish?"

Tiger's Eye sweatdrops. "Well, in some places it is!"

"What, a circus freak show?!" Zoisite yells.

"How dare you!" Tiger's Eye screeches, getting out his whip. Zoisite gets ready to "Zoi!" him, when Chibi Moon breaks it up.

"Hey! Have you guys forgotten why we're here?!" Everyone tries to think for a minute. They all nod their heads. Chibi Moon sighs. "We came here to get Mamo-chan back from Fish Eye, remember?!"

"Oh yeah!" they all say, hitting themselves on the head, except Kunzite and Zoisite.

"Mamoru? Fish Eye? What do you want _them_ for?" Zoisite snorts.

"Well, we want Mamoru-san back and they want to get rid of him, so it all works out!" Mars explains.

"Ooh, getting rid of Mamoru?! In that case, I want to help!" Zoisite squeals.

"Yeah yeah, me too!" Kunzite says, clapping his hands.

"Geez, how old are you two, five?" Mars asks.

"No," Zoisite pouts.

"OK, so where are they?" Kunzite says, acting his age again (Whatever that is o_O;;).

"They're in the Food Court," Mercury says, putting her mini-computer away.

"Hey! Why are you looking on the computer to find them? I already said they're in the Food Court!" Hawk's Eye yells.

"Well, to be honest, I don't trust you guys. I still think you're leading us into a trap," Mercury says with a smile.

Hawk's Eye growls. _That paranoid little...of course, she is much smarter than the rest of them...and why did she just smile at me? Hmmmm..._ Hawk's Eye thinks, getting some ideas as they start to walk towards the Food Court again.

As they leave the furniture store, Zoisite quickly points to a table he likes and teleports it to their house in the forest. _There, I ended that argument,_ Zoisite thinks, satisfied. He latches himself onto Kunzite's arm.

And so, as they head off to the Food Court once more, here is how everything is set up: Kunzite and Zoisite are somehow managing to walk while hanging all over each other. Nephrite is stumbling around drunk and singing loudly. Tiger's Eye is now slightly drunk, for he's walking with Nephrite and they're drinking together, but Tiger's Eye isn't _too_ drunk yet (He's _only_ had two bottles ^_^;;). Jadeite is sweatdropping as Jupiter and Venus fight over him, each one hanging off of one of his arms (If you've seen Tenchi Muyou, it's kind of like when Aeka and Ryouko fight over poor Tenchi ^_^). Mars and Chibi Moon are walking and fighting over a chocolate bar they found sitting on a chair in the furniture store (And the little kid whom the chocolate bar belonged to is screaming and demanding that his mother buy him another because some hookers stole his. Remember, they're still wearing their Senshi outfits, so they could be mistaken for that ^_^;;). Mercury is walking near them and sweatdropping. Hawk's Eye comes up and starts walking beside her.

"Hi Sailor Mercury," he says nervously. _Why am I so nervous about talking to a girl? Especially a young one..._ he thinks to himself.

"Hello..." she says, wondering what he wants.

They walk in silence for a second. _I guess I need to start the conversation,_ Hawk's Eye thinks. "So, your name's Mizuno Ami, right?"

"Yes," Mercury realizes that he's just trying to talk to her and relaxes a bit. "How did you remember?"

"Well, that _was_ just a few hours ago, you know."

"Oh yeah. It seems like so much longer..." (Probably because it's taking me so long to write this fic ^_^;;).

"You know what else I remember?" Hawk's Eye says, trying to make his move. "I also remember that you're the smart one of the group."

"Really? Well, that's because the others only seem to be interested in..." She quickly looks at what the other Senshi are doing: Jupiter and Venus drooling on Jadeite, and Mars and Chibi Moon fighting over a chocolate bar "...boys and food." She gets a sweatdrop.

"Well, I don't mean to _brag_ , but I'm the smart one of my group, too," Hawk's Eye says proudly.

"Really?!" Mercury says excitedly, getting closer to Hawk's Eye. Finally, someone she can talk to, besides Luna, who will understand her! Hawk's Eye blushes slightly at how close she is.

"Yeah, I know how it feels to have to try and keep everyone under control," he says. OK, maybe it's not the whole truth, but he's just trying to get closer to Ami (Sitcom audience: WooOOOoo).

"Wow! I know that feeling!" Her eyes turn into stars staring at him. One little part of her brain (The part the other Senshi listen to all the time, but Ami tries to suppress, known as the "id" of psychoanalytic theory ^_^) says _Wow, he's handsome and smart. Go for it!_ Mercury blushes when she hears her brain saying that and backs away from him slightly.

He looks at her confused. "What's wrong, Ami-chan?"

She blushes harder. _We just met, well, besides fighting him as an enemy, that is, and he's already calling me "Ami-chan"?_ She looks at him and smiles. "Nothing is wrong! I was just..." She stops that sentence, for she doesn't know how to finish it without embarrassing herself. _What was I going to say? That I was just thinking you're really hot? Oh, I've gotten myself into a mess this time..._ The other part of her brain starts talking again. _Come on, Ami! You know you want him, so go get him!_ Then her logical side comes back. _But if I get a boyfriend, I won't have as much time to study and I'll fall behind! And besides, he likes older women!_ Both sides of her mind continue to fight...

Hawk's Eye looks at her in confusion. _What's the matter with her? One second we're talking, the next she's all closed up..._ Then a thought hits him (*Smack* OUCH!). _Maybe she just realized that she really does like me, but she's too embarrassed to tell me! Or maybe she remembers that I like older women, and thinks I don't like her. Well, usually I do go for older women but...well, she's more mature than most young girls..._

Meanwhile, Mars and Chibi Moon have solved their conflict by splitting the chocolate bar in half (Duh :P). They both look around at the others and Mars notices something a bit odd. "Ne ne, Chibiusa-chan," she whispers, trying not to draw too much attention.

"What?" Chibi Moon whispers back.

"Don't you think Hawk's Eye and Ami-chan are walking aaaawfully close together?"

Chibi Moon looks at them. "You're right. Maybe there's a 'thing' going on between them."

"A 'thing?' You mean..." Mars gasps. She looks at Chibi Moon and they both get evil grins and little devil horns on their heads. "Looks like we've got something to report to the others!" they both squeal. They walk up to where Venus and Jupiter are hanging all over Jadeite.

"Ne ne, Mako-chan," Mars says to Jupiter, standing next to her.

"Ne ne, Minako-chan," Chibi Moon says to Venus, also standing near her.

"Oh great, _more_ girls to drool on me!" Jadeite groans. "This is a new shirt, you know!"

"Ooh, can I take it off for you?" Jupiter asks.

"No, I will!" Venus yells.

Mars and Chibi Moon sweatdrop and try to get their attention again. "No, Jadeite we're not here to drool on you. We have some juicy gossip."

 _That_ manages to get Venus and Jupiter's attention. "Who? What? When? Where? Why? How?" they both say simultaneously.

"Well..." Chibi Moon says, getting devil horns again. "It seems that Hawk's Eye and Mercury have a 'thing' for each other."

"A 'thing'?" Jadeite, Venus and Jupiter all repeat.

"Yeah!" Mars yells. "Just look at them!"

They all look over. "Ooh, I think you're right!" Venus squeals.

"Go Ami-chan!" Jupiter yells.

"Shh! We don't want them to know that we know! It'll spoil the fun!" Mars says. She gets an evil glint in her eyes. "And if they don't know that we know, it will be easier to spy on them, because they don't know that we know they have a reason to be spied on!" After everyone goes over that in their heads a few times to make sure they understand what the hell she just said, they decide to tell Kunzite and Zoisite. Kunzite is currently giving Zoisite a piggy-back ride.

"Ne ne, Kunzite, Zoisite," whisper all five people who know about the 'thing' between Hawk's Eye and Mercury.

"What do you want?" Kunzite asks, irritated.

"Go away," Zoisite says.

"Fine, I guess you don't want to hear about the juicy gossip we just discovered..." Mars says teasingly.

"What? Gossip? Who? Tell me tell me tell me!" Zoisite squeals.

"It seems that our good friends Hawk's Eye and Mercury have a 'thing' for each other," Venus says.

Zoisite and Kunzite look over at them. "Oh wow, you're right!"

"Aww, aren't they just so cute?" Jupiter says, her eyes going starry.

"Yeah, almost as cute as Jadeite and I are..." Venus says.

"What? No way, Jadeite is mine!" Jupiter yells.

Mars hits both of them on the head. "Quiet down! Now is the perfect time to spy on them."

"Aren't we going to tell Nephrite and Tiger's Eye?" Jupiter asks.

"No, they're too drunk to care! And they'd probably let them know that we know!" Chibi Moon says.

"Maybe it would be a good idea to get rid of them, you know, send them to a bar or something. Then they can't interrupt our spying."

"Good idea." Mars sees a group of guys walking by. "Hey! Where are you guys going?"

"To a bar just outside the mall," one of them says.

"Perfect! Well, I was wondering if you could take these two guys with you. They're real party animals!" she says, pointing to Nephrite and Tiger's Eye (Who is now just as drunk as Nephrite).

"Uh, sure. Why not?"

"OK, just a second." Mars starts talking in a voice that you might use for a little kid. "OK, you two. Now go play with these nice men, OK?"

"OK, mommy!" they both say, giggling like crazy. They both run up to the group of guys, offering them some of their bottles of beer. The whole group walks off happy.

"Now, back to work..." They all quietly sneak up behind Hawk's Eye and Mercury, who have just started talking again...

"So...ahh...why are you so quiet all of a sudden?"

"I'm...uh...thinking about things." (Hmm, all our little "spies" are thinking about 'things' too ^_-).

"What kind of things?" Hawk's Eye asks, wondering if he was right.

"Just that...my life is so boring right now. All I ever seem to be doing these days is studying..." Mercury thinks that if he really does like her, he will react strongly to that (Unknown to our two love-birds, the "spies" react strongly, too ^_^;;).

Hawk's Eye easily picks up on what she really meant when she said that; she'd like someone to make her life more interesting. He decides that it's definitely the right time to make the next move. He gently grabs one of her hands and says, "Well, I think I could make your life much more interesting..." (The "spies" all barely manage to contain their squeals).

Mercury is surprised that he picked up her signal so easily. She smiles at him and squeezes his hand back. "I'd like that." He smiles back at her and their eyes lock. They are both pretty shocked as their faces get closer and closer. Their lips are inches apart when...

"YES! Wait to GO, Ami-chan!" Venus yells. Mercury and Hawk's Eye gasp and jump apart, blushing furiously, and all the "spies" hit Venus on the head.

"BAKA! Now they know that we know!" Mars yells.

"And since they know that we know, they'll probably break up now!" Zoisite yells, very disappointed. "I mean, the show _they_ were putting on was even better than an episode of Melrose Place!"

"But now they'll be broken up even before their first kiss. How sad!" Jupiter wails.

"But maybe they _won't_ break up!" Jadeite says hopefully (Even Jadeite can get into gossiping ^_^). They all crowd around Mercury and Hawk's Eye and all start talking at once.

"Are you guys an item?"

"Have you split up?"

"When's the wedding?"

"Will you EVER forgive me, Ami-chan?!" (Can you guess who said that?)

"Do you guys have a 'thing' going on?"

Hawk's Eye finally manages to talk. "All right, just shut up! If you would all back off for a second, we might be able to figure out what's going on. Frankly, I don't think it's any of your business whether we're going out or not!"

"Yes, we _know_ it's not our business, but...well...are you or are you not?" Kunzite whines.

Mercury looks for a way to get out of answering. "Hey, look! We're in the Food Court! Everyone keep an eye out for Fish Eye and Mamoru-san!" Everyone forgets about her and Hawk's Eye...for now.

"Thanks," Hawk's Eye says smiling at her. "You really are the smart one."

"Well, actually, right then, I was able to think fast because I was completely embarrassed." She blushes a bit more.

"You're so cute when you blush," he says grinning.

"Well, then I must be very cute today." She smiles back and, once again, their faces start to lean closer, until someone grabs Mercury's arm, pulling her away from Hawk's Eye. Since his eyes are closed, he doesn't notice Mercury isn't there and keeps leaning forward. He leans over so far that he topples over onto his face.

"What are you doing?" Mercury asks whoever grabbed her, almost yelling.

Chibi Moon, who is the one that grabbed her, backs away a little. "Sorry, but I just had to tell you that we found Fish Eye and Mamo-chan."

"Oh, well, back to my duties, I guess." She turns around to face Hawk's Eye and finds him lying on the floor. She holds her hands out to him, offering to help him up. "Let's go!"

He gladly grabs her hands and lets her help him up. They smile at each other and walk over to where everyone else is hiding behind a garbage can and they both sweatdrop. "So, what's the plan?" Hawk's Eye asks.

"We figured that we need to surround them first," Kunzite says, "Then we need to grab them."

"But what if they just teleport away again?" Mercury asks.

"If you are touching a person who teleports, you go right along with them. Therefore, it doesn't matter where they try to go, because we'll follow them. We just need to grab Fish Eye," Kunzite says.

"Well, who's going to do that? I'm certainly not going to touch Fish Eye," Zoisite says shuddering.

"Zoisite, don't act like a five year old! And besides, there's so many of us, you probably won't even need to touch him."

"YAY!"

"Shh! Quiet down, we don't want them to hear us. Now, everyone spread out!" They all start crawling along the floor, getting strange looks from people. The Senshi get a bunch of cat-calls and whistles, for when you put short-skirts and crawling on the floor together...well, let's not go there ^_^;; Soon, Kunzite gives the signal they arranged beforehand and they all pounce on Fish Eye (Well, most of them. Zoisite still refuses to go near him).

"Hey! What's going on? Get off of me!" Fish Eye yells. Mamoru stares at the Sailor Senshi in amazement.

"Sailor Senshi..." His eyes start to flicker again.

"Noooo! Mamo-chan, stop!" Fish Eye yells from the bottom of the pile.

But he continues to talk. "They fight to save the world from evil, along with their leader, Sailor Moon..." His eyes are almost normal again. "Usako..." His eyes completely stop flickering. "Usako!"

"NOOOO!" Fish Eye screams, tears streaming down his face. "How?! How could you break my spell?"

"True love is stronger than any spell!" Mamoru cries. Eveyone groans. Even when he's _not_ Tuxedo Kamen, he still does cheesy speeches. Mamoru ignores their funny looks and looks around confused.

"What are you looking for Mamoru, the brain store?" Zoisite says, laughing. When Zoisite realizes no one else is laughing he quiets down, pouting.

"No, actually, I'm wondering where Usako is..." Mamoru says.

They all start to look around. "Hey, where _did_ she go?" Chibi Moon asks.

"When was the last time anyone saw her?" Mamoru asks.

"Well, I know she at least came inside the mall with us, but I don't know what happened to her after that..." Jupiter says.

"Well, where is she now?"

Kunzite tries to sense where she is. "Well, since I'm getting tired, I can only sense what direction she's in...she seems to have left the mall now. Maybe when we get outside, I can get a better idea of where she is."

"OK, let's go!" Zoisite says.

"Ano...moshi moshi?" Venus says, "Can we get out of this pile now?" They look over and see that everyone is still piled on top of Fish Eye.

"How are we going to keep Fish Eye from getting away?"

"I know! We can tie him up!" Zoisite yells happily. Before anyone else can say anything, Zoisite has conjured up a piece of rope and is wrapping it around Fish Eye.

"Ouch! Stop it, that's too tight!" Fish Eye whines.

"Hey, shut up or I'll stick one of Kunzite-sama's dirty socks in your mouth. I mean, I love him but his feet...well, let's just say they don't smell like roses..." Zoisite says.

"Hey!" Kunzite yells.

"Okay, I've finished tying him up. Who wants to carry him?" The room goes silent, except for someone coughing.

Fish Eye gets angry. He glares at Hawk's Eye. "I thought you were my friend! I guess I was wrong."

"Fish Eye, normally I would but...well, I'm trying to...get to know someone better," he says, looking at Mercury.

Mercury smiles back. "Hawk's Eye, it's OK. I can just walk beside you..." She blushes since everyone has crowded around them again.

Hawk's Eye smiles. "OK, I'll do it..." He walks over and picks Fish Eye up.

"Thanks Hawk's Eye," Fish Eye says smiling, "You're soooo nice!"

"Yeah yeah..." Hawk's Eye says. He'd really much rather have his arm around Mercury...

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

(OK, how many of you have been wondering what Sailor Moon has been doing this whole time? Well, you're about to find out whether you cared or not ^_^ First, we'll have to go all the way back to when she first got separated from the group...)

Sailor Moon walks into the store towards her dream dress. "Wow, it's _so_ beautiful!" she squeals. She looks at the price tag and gasps. She tries to reach into her pocket to get out her wallet to see if she has enough, but she realizes she doesn't _have_ any pockets because she's wearing her Sailor Fuku. "Waaaaah, this is the most beautiful dress ever, but I don't have any money!" She gets the attention of everyone in the store. Suddenly, a woman walks up to her.

"Excuse me. I don't mean to be rude but...are you Sailor Moon?" she asks hopefully (Gee, how did she figure that out? Maybe the Sailor Fuku and odango gave her away :P).

Sailor Moon stops crying. "Yes, that's me!"

"Oh, my! Well, I hope it's not too much to ask, but could I have your autograph? I'll give you anything you want." The woman remembers that Sailor Moon had been yelling because she couldn't afford the dress and gets an idea. "I'll even buy that dress for you."

 _That_ gets Sailor Moon's interest. "All right! Yeah, I'll do an autograph!" The woman hands her paper and a pen and she writes a couple cute things and her name on it.

"Thank you SO much!" the woman says. "Oh, and here's money for the dress.

"Ooh, thank you!" Sailor Moon says grinning. By now, a few people have gathered around, asking for autographs and offering things they will get her if she does. She gladly does them, and her money supply keeps growing and growing as more people keep coming up and offering her things. After a while, the people are all gone and Sailor Moon has enough to buy an entire new wardrobe. She goes around to many stores, buying everything she wants, including the dress that was part of Fish Eye and Zoisite's bet. After a while, her money is all gone and she's exhausted from her two shopping trips in one day. She decides to go home, trudging along quietly.

"I'm home..." she announces in a tired voice to her mother, who is preparing dinner.

"Welcome home." she says cheerfully. Then she looks at her. "Usagi, what are you wearing?"

She realizes once again that she's still wearing her Sailor Fuku. "Oh, I...uh...went to a costume party."

"Well, you'd better change before your father sees you. If he saw you in that tight leotard and short skirt, he'd go ballistic!"

"OK, I'll change." She barely makes it to her room before falling on her bed. After a couple minutes she can stand up again and she un-transforms. She starts to wonder something... "Why did I transform in the first place? There must be something important I'm forgetting about...hmm." Usagi tries hard to remember what happened earlier, but she can't. Her thoughts are cut off by her mother.

"Usagi! You have some...friends here to visit you."

Usagi is puzzled about who it could be. She walks downstairs and gasps at the large group of people standing in her living room...

Ooh, good place to cut off, huh? Hee hee! I'm so mean! Make sure to send comments, questions and peach drinks to sailorspazz


	6. Goodbye, Senshi and Mamoru!  Back to the Bishounen

Wow, can you believe I've actually made it to six episodes? I find it even harder to believe that some people have been putting up with my crap for six episodes! Well, here's brand new crap, fresh from my "brain"!

Disclaimer: As you all know, I did not create these characters. Sure, I could always say I did, but then swarms of angry fans would hunt me down and torture me until I admitted that they are not mine. Hmmm, now _there's_ an idea most of you have probably considered a least once while reading this fic ^_^;; Most people feel like hunting me down, so you're not alone ^_^ Hop on the bandwagon!

Notes: OK, in this episode, there will be a couple pointless parts (What, isn't the whole thing pointless enough already?). You see, when my friends heard I was writing a fan-fic, they _insisted_ on being in it :P So, I've given all that whined at me small parts (They each only have about one line, or no lines at all, in some cases ^_-). Heh heh, they asked for it *Evil grin*

Completed: 6/10/98

Bishounen no Mori

Episode 6: Goodbye, Senshi and Mamoru! Back to the Bishounen!

Written By: Why do you ask this every episode? Have you got problems remembering my name? Am I THAT easily forgotten? (Oh, wait, I'm the one who wrote it out -_-;; I scare myself sometimes...No, make that most of the time...)

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

(Once again, I'm going back a little ways before the last episode ended...)

Back in the mall, our heroes (oh, and the Senshi, too ^_^) are walking back the way they came to get to the right exit. Hawk's Eye is sulking as he carries Fish Eye, still all tied up. Even though he's tied up, Fish Eye is still begging them to go into all the stores, but they refuse.

"We have to find Sailor Moon," Jadeite tries to explain again (By the way, Jupiter and Venus are still hanging all over him).

"Who cares about her? She's stealing back my Mamo-chan!" Fish Eye yells, making Hawk's Eye temporarily lose hearing in his right ear.

"But you stole him from her in the first place!" Mars yells. Since Mars was standing to the left of Hawk's Eye, he loses hearing in that ear, also.

"But I'm better for him than she is! He was so happy with me..."

"That's because you brainwashed me!" Mamoru yells. He's still a bit pissed that the others would _dare_ to leave his Usako behind in this big mall. Knowing her, she could easily get lost...

"Well, didn't you have fun?" Fish Eye asks hopefully.

"Not really. All you ever wanted to do was fu-"

"Hey!" Mars yells, making Hawk's Eye's hearing even worse, "You can't say those kinds of things in front of your own daughter! Shame on you!" Mars slaps Mamoru and Fish Eye tries to attack her.

"Don't slap my Mamo-chan!" Fish Eye screeches, trying to escape from Hawk's Eye's grip.

"Hey, what's going on?!" Hawk's Eye yells (Since he can't hear very well, he has no idea how loud he is).

"She slapped my Mamo-chan!" Fish Eye whines.

Hawk's Eye, still not being able to hear very well, replies with a strange look. "If you want peaches, go to the supermarket. There aren't any fruit stands in the mall." Everyone sweatdrops.

"Ummm...Hawk's Eye? Just don't talk for a while, OK?" Mercury says smiling, putting a hand on his shoulder (Whose hand is it? Augh, it's a severed hand! OK, I'll shut up now...)

He gives her a shocked and surprised look. "Ami-chan! We're in a mall with lots of people around! You shouldn't say things like that! And whose pager is going off? I hear a constant ringing!"

"OK, fine. I guess we shouldn't talk until your hearing comes back..." Mercury says, sulking a bit. How can they get to know each other better if he can't hear a word she's saying? She sighs, as the others continue to fight.

Suddenly, a girl with dark hair (With some light streaks in it...ehh, there's a pun in what I just said related to this scene ^_^;;) goes tearing through the mall naked. "Get free nuts! Large, economy size nuts! Long lasting!" (This is an inside joke no one will get ^_^). She laughs insanely. Even though she's running fast, Jadeite manages to get out his camera and use the rest of the roll for this...event. (It's the same camera used to take the pics of Fishy and Neffy kissing and the infamous hot tub scene...it will be an interesting roll to see when these pics are developed ^_-). Jupiter and Venus give him glares, but still don't let go of him. Everyone else sweatdrops. By now, the girl is gone (There you go, Alia! You got a part. Tee hee hee).

By this time, they have started approaching the store that Zoisite and Fish Eye had shopped at this morning. They both want to get a glimpse of the dress they made a bet on. Fish Eye thinks happily to himself, _Heh heh, I know I've won this bet already. Zoisite thinks I don't know he's been cheating on his diet every time I turn my back, but I do. I just need to catch him in the act..._ Fish Eye makes Hawk's Eye stop so they can look in the window. Fish Eye and Zoisite gasp in disbelief.

"What?! The dress is gone?!" Zoisite whines.

"How can this be?!" Fish Eye wails. He and Zoisite glare at each other.

"You! You must have taken the dress when I wasn't looking!" Zoisite accuses, pointing at Fish Eye.

"No way! Why would I need to do that? I've already won the bet anyway!" Fish Eye yells, once again trying to escape from Hawk's Eye's grip.

"You don't have any proof that I've been cheating on my diet!" Zoisite yells, smirking.

"Ah ha! You just admitted that you have! That means I get the dress!" They both look back in the window and remember the dress is gone. "Oh yeah." Everyone sweatdrops.

"OK, just calm down," Kunzite says, dragging Zoisite away from Fish Eye. "It's just a dress, honey. I'm sure you'll find another one just like it."

"No I won't...it was one-of-a-kind!" Zoisite collapses in tears against Kunzite, who sweatdrops. He doesn't see how Zoisite could get all worked up over a dress.

Zoisite's crying sets off Fish Eye. "Now I'll never see it again!" He starts crying against Hawk's Eye's shoulder. Hawk's Eye still has no idea what's going on.

"Ami-chan, why is everyone crying?" Hawk's Eye yells, as his hearing still isn't back.

Ami gets rid of her sweatdrop and says, "I guess Fish Eye and Zoisite made a bet on a dress, but someone else bought it."

Hawk's Eye gives her another strange look. "Fish Eye and Zoisite made a cat in the grass, but someone wrote on it? Ummm...whatever you say..." Ami sighs and hopes Hawk's Eye will get his hearing back soon so they can chat for a while...

After a couple minutes, Fish Eye and Zoisite have calmed down and they all start walking again. Soon, they reach the exit of the mall.

"OK, _now_ can you sense where Usako is?" Mamoru says impatiently, looking at Kunzite.

"I'm tired," Kunzite whines, "Make Jadeite do it."

"OK, Jadeite. Do it. Now!" (I command you to rise up and obey me! *smack*) Mamoru says in a motherly tone of voice.

"Oh, do I _have_ to?" Jadeite whines (Damn, these boys are whiny...someone should punish them...and I don't mean in the name of the moon ^_-).

"Now, Jadeite, don't whine," Venus says warningly.

"Yeah," Jupiter adds, "Or we'll send you to bed without dessert!"

Everyone sweatdrops.

"Oh, all right..." Jadeite closes his eyes and senses around. "She's in that direction."

"Hey, we live in that direction!" Chibi Moon says.

"You mean she went home?" Mars asks, not believing that even Usagi could be so inconsiderate.

"See, Mamo-chan? She doesn't even care about you! She completely forgot!" Fish Eye yells. "Please, stay with me. I'll never forget you're there!"

"I'd like to forget he's alive..." Zoisite mutters.

"No, Fish Eye! I've already told you NO!" Mamoru yells.

Fish Eye pouts as they start walking again. A girl wearing a short leather skirt and a skimpy halter top walks up to them. "Hey, any of you guys looking for a good time?" She smiles seductively at them. Zoisite, Kunzite, and Fish Eye couldn't care less, but Mamoru, Jadeite, and Hawk's Eye's eyes all bug out.

Mamoru walks up to her. "I am!" he begins to say, but then he remembers Usagi. "Oh wait. Never mind." He sulks and backs off.

Mercury notices Hawk's Eye staring at the girl and elbows him. He backs off too.

Jadeite walks up to her. "Oh yes, please!" The girl starts to come closer, but Jupiter and Venus (Who refuse to let go of Jadeite) growl at her and she runs off screaming. They scold Jadeite for acting like a horny old man (Heh heh, there you go, Heather. You got a part, too ^o^).

"OK, now let's get going again," Kunzite says, hoping there won't be any more distractions (Well, I wish I could do that, but I still have a few friends to shove in here. Sorry, Kunzy. Maybe someone, somewhere, will put you in a sane fic, someday ^_^;;).

Just then, a girl with curly (Actually, springy...boi-oi-oi-oing!) brown hair goes dancing down the middle of the street singing "It's Raining Men." Another girl with an axe comes out of the bushes. "That's enough out of you!" she yells and cuts off the head of the springy haired girl. The girl's head rolls around on the ground as her body searches for it. She finally finds it and picks it up, then she and the axe-carrying girl hold hands and skip off into the distance together (That was for Alicia and Anna. What happened was NOT my idea ^_^ Alicia _said_ to have Anna cut her head off ^_^;;).

It takes a couple minutes for everyone to get rid of their sweatdrops this time, but they finally manage to, and they start walking again.

Finally, Chibi Moon yells, "We're here!" and they all walk up to the front door. Mars rings the doorbell and Usagi's mother answers it.

"Yes? What can I do for you?" she asks, eyeing this strange group of girls in short skirts and kawaii bishounen (*acting like Homer* Mmmm...Bishounen...*DROOL!*).

"We came here to see Usagi," Chibi Moon says, slightly amused that Usagi's mother doesn't recognize her in her Senshi form, even though she looks exactly the same.

"Oh. Just a second, please." She turns around and yells upstairs. "Usagi! You have some...friends here to visit you!" She turns back to the strange group. "Please, come in." After taking off their shoes, they all walk into the living room.

Usagi comes partway down the stairs and gasps. Her mother looks at how shocked she is. "Do you know these people?"

Usagi snaps out of her shock. "Ummm, yes Mama."

"All right. I'll get back to making dinner." She goes back into the kitchen.

Usagi tries to run the rest of the way down the stairs...and, of course, she trips. She lands on top of Zoisite.

"Augh! Why does everyone seem to have a thing for landing on top of me today?! First in the hot tub, now this!" He angrily shoves Usagi off of him. She is about to burst into tears when...

"Usako! Are you all right?" Mamoru runs to Usagi. She looks at him, once more in shock.

"Mamo-chan! Where have you been? Are you all right?!" Everyone looks away slightly disgusted as they start kissing. Mamoru had been planning on scolding her for forgetting about him, but he forgets about that as they kiss.

Fish Eye sulks. "That used to be me...," he says pouting.

"I say, good riddance!" Zoisite yells happily. "Now, hopefully, I'll never have to see him again!" The other Kings and Hawk's Eye cheer along with him, while Fish Eye keeps pouting...

"Well, I guess we should be heading back to the forest now..." Hawk's Eye says, looking longingly at Mercury, who blushes and then scribbles something down on a piece of paper and hands it to him.

"Here's my phone number. Call me sometime, if you want..." The girls (and the canned sit-com audience) all start going wooOOoo and making cat-calls, while the guys elbow Hawk's Eye, even if they don't understand his taste in women.

Jupiter and Venus both walk up to Jadeite and shove pieces of paper into his pockets. "Here's my number, Jade-chan," Venus says seductively. "You can call me anytime day or night...preferably at night, so we can talk dirty and no one will hear."

"Well, here's _my_ number," Jupiter says, pushing in front of Venus. "You can call to talk dirty anytime day or night, because I live alone, so no one could stop us. Better yet, we don't have to just talk. You can come over anytime." Venus gives Jupiter a Look that could melt ice (Vanilla Ice, that is. Mmmm, I want vanilla ice cream...) They both start growling at each other and yelling. The guys all quickly and quietly slide away ¬_¬

Once they get far enough away from Usagi's house so that the girls can no longer see them, Fish Eye says, "I'm tired and pissed off. I want to go home _right now_."

"But first we have to get Nephrite and Tiger's Eye," Hawk's Eye says. "Where did they go, anyway?"

"We got rid of them while you were talking with that Mercury girl at the mall." Kunzite gives him a sly look. "We didn't want them to disturb you."

Hawk's Eye blushes slightly. "So, ah...where did you send them?"

"Sailor Mars sent them with some group of guys to a bar just outside the mall," Jadeite explains.

"Ehh?! You mean we have to go back to the mall again? Che!" Fish Eye whines.

"Whoa, Fish Eye doesn't want to go to the mall? Something must be wrong with him..." Hawk's Eye says.

"Of course something's wrong with me! I lost my Mamo-chan to that stupid ditzy little rabbit!"

"What's wrong with you is that you even wanted him in the first place! Only crazy people lust after him!"

Before another cat-fight can start up, Kunzite breaks in. "All right, that's enough. Let's just go there quickly. The sooner we get them back, the sooner we can go to bed."

"Well, we can't go to bed before we eat," Zoisite adds.

Kunzite sweatdrops. "Yes, of course. Now let's go."

The guys all start walking towards the mall. They make it there much faster than before, since this time they don't run into any more of Spazz's insane friends. When they reach the mall, they look around for a bar...and sweatdrop when they see the only place the guys could have gone to...

"A karaoke bar?!" they all say simultaneously, fearing what awaits them inside...

Yo, minna! Sorry sorry SORRY this episode took so long and it's so short! I..I..I might have a good excuse, really! Just let me think...ehh, never mind. I'm just lazy :P Well, hopefully the next episode will be longer and won't take two months. After all, school's out now! So I'll have more time to write! (Well, except when I'm on vacations...like in a couple days, I'm going to Las Vegas ^_^;;). Hmmm, speaking of that, I need to pack! So see ya in episode 7, which will have some kawaii new bishounen! (Who, you ask? Just stay right there...and I'll show you! Uhhh, sorry, I've been watching the dub on Cartoon Network...)

Comments, questions, and dragon balls (Vegeta included ^_-) go to sailorspazz


	7. More Bishounen, Hoorah!  Crazy Adventures at the Karaoke Bar

Whoooosh! Hi! I'm back with episode 7! Whooooooooosh!

Note: Heh heh, another cameo appearance by one of my real-life friends. This should be the last one (Hopefully). And...*Ahem* I make another cameo appearance, too ^_^;;

"Nagareboshi e," means "To a Shooting Star." It's the title of one of the Sailor Moon songs sung by...well, if you don't know, you'll find out ^_^

Yes, you all know I don't own these characters. And you should also know I don't own the other series' that I occasionally make references to. And you should also know I don't own the computer that I'm typing this on! Well, I'm pretty much the only one who uses it, but it's not _mine_. I wish I had my own computer so I could shove this one out a window...or put it in the middle of a freeway...or put it in the microwave...or throw it in the hot tub...*Spazz dreams of all the wonderful ways to kill her computer.* Ahhhh...

Completed: 8/15/98

Bishounen no Mori

Episode 7: More Bishounen, Hoorah! Crazy Adventures at the Karaoke Bar!

Written by: Like, duh! Who else but Sailorspazz?

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Kunzite-sama, I'm scared!" Zoisite whines, holding onto Kunzite even tighter than before, making him start to turn blue...

"A karaoke bar? Ewww," Hawk's Eye says shuddering.

"Do we _really_ have to go in there?" Jadeite asks, trembling at what might be going on inside. Kunzite falls to the ground unconscious.

"I think we do..." Fish Eye says (Still tied up).

After a couple minutes, Zoisite has revived Kunzite (With mouth to mouth, of course ^_^;;) and they all take a deep breath and walk in. They look around in amazement at everything going on around: People drinking...and drinking...and more people drinking. Then they look up at the stage...and sweatdrop at what's going on. Nephrite and Tiger's Eye, both very drunk, are up there doing a duet of the Oscar Mayer wiener song.

"Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener! That is what I'd truly like to be~~ee! 'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener...Everyone would be in love with meeee~~~eee!" They both sing, very loudly and ridiculously off-key. But the drunken audience loves it and they all clap wildly and give them a standing ovation. Nephrite and Tiger's Eye bow and blow kisses to the audience and walk...err, stumble off the stage.

The other guys fall over under the weight of their sweatdrops. After being stepped on by numerous people, they decide it would be wise to stand up again.

As Tiger's Eye and Nephrite walk off the stage, many of the women (and a few men, too ^_^) from the audience try to throw themselves onto them, but they're all so drunk they fall down before they get to them. Carefully stepping over all the drunks now on the floor, our five non-drunken bishounen reach our two muy-drunken bishounen (Note the clever use of Spanish ^_^;;). Tiger's Eye looks at them.

"Hey, I know you!" he says, pointing to Hawk's Eye. "You're Captain what's-his-name from that TV show where people fight all the time! You know...Jerry Springer!" (Note: According to last week's local TV Host, Jerry Springer is the #3 syndicated show ^_^;;).

"Ummm...no, I'm Hawk's Eye, one of your friends. You know, we live in the Forest of Silence in Cephiro...ummm, I mean the Crystal Forest in Elysion." (Heh heh, looks like Hawk's Eye is getting his anime "Mixx"ed up...or possibly the author has been watching too much Magic Knight Rayearth ^_^;;)

"Uhhhh...OK, Captain Springer," he says, giving Hawk's Eye a salute, while the others sweatdrop.

Nephrite looks at Zoisite and laughs. Zoisite looks at him angrily. "What's so damn funny, ya drunk bastard?"

"Hee hee, hee hee, do you know who you look like?"

"Who?"

Nephrite giggles a bit more then shouts, "YO MAMA!" He and Tiger's Eye fall to the floor, giggling insanely.

"Oooh, looks like one of Captain Springer's friends was majorly dissed, man!" Tiger's Eye says, then continues giggling in his insane manner (If you've seen the SuperS season or Jinnai-sama in El Hazard, you know what I'm talking about ^_^;; You can find some sound clips of both of them on the sounds page of my website).

"Damn, how many beers have you guys had?" Jadeite asks, realizing that the author has only given him one line in this episode so far.

"Uhhhhh...what number comes after fifteen?" Tiger's Eye asks.

"Sixteen..." Jadeite says slowly, having to think about it for a second.

"Oh yeah...and, what number comes after that?"

"Seventeen," Jadeite says, proud of himself for remembering how to count (He was in that Eternal Sleep for quite a while ^_^).

"Uh huh, and after that?"

"OK OK, I get it. You've both had waaaay too much! Shame on you!" Jadeite turns to face the camera. "Beer is a very bad thing to drink. You shouldn't drink it until you are of the required age for your country, and even then, you need to drink responsibly. And when you go to bars, always make sure you have a designated driver! Sailor Moon says! Hee hee hee."

"Augh!" Fish Eye takes out Umi's Patented Mokona-bashing Mallet™ (Can be used for bashing other things) and hits Jadeite over the head with it. "Don't you DARE go DiC on us, Jadeite!"

"Jadeite? Who's that? I am Jedite, general of the Negaverse."

"Oh no! Don't EVEN go there! Those freaks turned me into a woman!" Zoycite..err, Zoisite screeches.

"Oh no! If this turns into a DiC fan-fic, we won't exist!" Fish Eye shouts (Author update note: This was written loooong before SuperS got dubbed...and well, since DiC wasn't involved in the dubbing, I guess this still makes _some_ sense ^_^).

"Good riddance!" Zoisite shouts, then starts laughing, covering his mouth when he realizes that he had started doing the DiC Zoycite laugh. "Oh no! I don't wanna be a woman again!"

"Yeah, it's not as much fun!" Malachite...I mean, Kunzite says.

"Ahem. Suggestive line alert! We're going to have to edit this!" a voice can be heard saying. "And look at all the drunks! This isn't appropriate for children!" The background begins to fade and all the drunks start turning into happy children dancing around a maypole.

"Oh no, where did that voice come from? And those kids are scaring me!" Zoisite says, his voice now completely in DiC mode.

"Hey, what's going on?" Neflite says, standing up and holding a bottle.

"Hey, weren't you drunk? How can you stand up without falling over?" Fish Eye says, not realizing that he and the other Trio members are starting to fade.

"Drunk? Oh my, no. I've just been drinking this nice, wholesome lemonade here," he says, holding up the bottle.

"That's right," the voice of DiC can be heard saying again, as the bottle of lemonade shakes, "Nice, wholesome, family entertainment."

"Where is that voice coming from?" Malachite says..."Oh no! I've turned into Malachite!"

"Well, my problem's worse than just my name changing! I feel like I'm losing a very important part of myself right now!" Zoy...Zoisite says.

"Mwahahahaha! That's right, no way we'll have homosexuality on Sailor Moon!" The lemonade bottle shakes again.

"Oh darn, (he was trying to say 'damn') I wish we could find that voice!" Hawk's Eye says, so faded now that he looks like a ghost.

The lemonade bottle shakes again as more DiC laughing can be heard.

Suddenly, a brown-haired girl in a green and purple Sailor Fuku (Sometimes you feel like a Namekian ^_^) bursts through the door. "Geez, are you bishounen complete idiots?! It's the lemonade! The lemonade! Didn't you notice it shaking every time the DiC voice talked?!"

"Oh yeah!" Malachite says.

"Yare yare, anime characters are completely clueless..." the girl in the Sailor Fuku says, slapping her forehead.

"Well, come on, Neflite...err, Nephrite. Smash the darn bottle before I completely turn into a woman!" Zoisite yells.

"But, then who's going to clean up the mess?"

"Oh, give me that!" Zoisite (Who has nearly turned into Zoycite) takes the bottle out of Neflite's hands and throws it to the ground. As it shatters, the Amazon Trio re-materializes and the Shitennou go back to normal. But for some reason, the background stays the same, with the children dancing around the maypole.

"Augh! Those children are even worse than the karaoke bar!" Zoisite groans. "How can we get rid of them?"

"Allow me!" the brown-haired girl says, pulling out a metallic silver wand covered with spirals and stars and lots of other crazy shapes.

"What's that?" Fish Eye asks (Who, after all this, is still tied up).

"It's my special Spazz Wand™! (© 1998 Spazz Inc.) Although it's not good for attacking things, it is good for things like changing colors and backgrounds and stuff." She closes her eyes and chants, "Ichi, ni, san, shi, make this scene like it was before DiC!" All the happy dancing children change back into drunks, many of them passed out on the floor.

"Oh, thank you, mysterious stranger. Without you, this would have turned into a DiC fic where we wouldn't be able to have any fun," Jadeite says.

"No problem. I wouldn't want to write a DiC fic anyway...uhhh, I mean, I wouldn't want to be in a DiC fic." She coughs. "Anyway, I'm off! Jaaaa na!" She tries to jump away like anime characters do, but remembers too late that she is not outside and hits her head on the ceiling. The bishounen wince as she comes crashing back down to the floor. She holds her head and looks at them. "Ummm, if you ever tell anyone you saw me, would you mind just snipping out that last part?" She then limps out the door.

"OK...that was pointless," Kunzite says. "What are we going to do now?"

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky! Try to take over the world!" Tiger's Eye says, drunker than a poet on payday now that DiC is gone.

"Oh, come on. Let's just grab these idiots and get out of here. This place is giving me the creeps," Zoisite says, pointing to the stage. Now there is a drunk girl with poofy red-hair singing (what else?) that song about coconuts. (You know, the one Zazu sang in the Lion King. Person reading fic: You mean Zazu Torque? Me: No! The bird, not that boy from Autozam! *Ahem* Back to the fic...)

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedly dee, there they are a-standing in a roooow!" The girl jumps off the stage and gets on top of a table and starts dancing, and continuing to sing, "Big ones, small ones, some as big as your hee~~~eead!" She tries to take off her shirt, but security guards get to her and drag her away before she can. As they're dragging her away she screams, "You can't do this! I am Princess Missesity! Waaaaah!" (There, Missy got a part. Now, that should be the last one!)

"Uhhhh, OK, that sounds like a good idea," Kunzite says. "Zoisite and I will get Tiger's Eye. Jadeite and Hawk's Eye, you get Nephrite."

"How am I supposed to get Nephrite when I'm carrying Fish Eye?" Hawk's Eye says.

"Uhhh...well..." Kunzite tries to think of another plan. He looks at Fish Eye to ask him something, but notices that he's staring up at the karaoke stage with large hearts in his eyes.

"Oh wow, those guys are soooo hot!" Fish Eye says, the hearts in his eyes beating. The other bishounen look up at the stage to see what he's talking about. Up on the stage, there are three boys who look to be about 16 years old. Each of them has long hair that they keep in a ponytail. They are extremely handsome, even beautiful...Yep, you guessed it, they're more bishounen. But not just _any_ bishounen ^_^ (Come on, you should know who they are by now!)

"Good evening, everyone," the black-haired one says. "The three of us just started a band, and we're trying to get more popular."

"Yeah, hopefully, with our looks, we can be an idol band!" the white-haired one says.

The one with brown hair sweatdrops. "Yes, well anyway, my name is Taiki Kou."

"My name is Yaten Kou!" the white-haired one yells.

"And I'm Seiya Kou," the black-haired one finishes. "Together, we are..."

"The Three Lights!" all three of them shout together.

"We hope you like our first song, entitled 'Nagareboshi e,'" Seiya says. "Hit it!"

"Search for your love!" They start singing, and the crowd is amazed that they're actually _good_ (Probably because they're not drunk, like all of the previous performers had been). The members of the crowd who are not passed out on the floor try to throw themselves on stage, but are once again too drunk and they all trip. By now, everyone in the audience is passed out on the floor except for our lovely bishounen.

"Oh my, oh my, oh my!" Fish Eye yells. "I MUST have them!" He looks up at Hawk's Eye pleadingly. "Oh, please untie me! I promise I won't go back and try to get Mamo-chan! I am SO over him!"

"Wow, that took all of twenty minutes..." Zoisite says in the background, but Fish Eye doesn't even care about Zoisite's comments right now...he's found his next targets.

Kunzite answers for Hawk's Eye. "Yes, untie him. Then you can help get Nephrite out of here."

Hawk's Eye sighs. "Why do I always have to do all the work? I've been carrying Fish Eye around for hours, then I finally get to put him down, and now I have to help lug Nephrite around..." He puts Fish Eye down and unties him. "What do I do with this rope?"

"Let me keep it," Zoisite says, grinning at Kunzite. "We might get some use from it."

Kunzite grins while the others look sick, not wanting to imagine what plans Zoisite and Kunzite have for the rope...

"OK, so where are we taking these drunk bastards, Kunzite-sama?" Zoisite asks, getting back on subject.

"Well, we have to get to somewhere where we can teleport without being seen."

"But why? Look around! Everyone here is passed out, except those guys on stage, and I doubt they're paying attention to us."

"Well, I guess you're right, hon. All we have to do is hold onto them while we teleport." Kunzite and Zoisite hold onto Tiger's Eye, while Jadeite and Hawk's Eye hold onto Nephrite.

"Fish Eye, aren't you coming with us?" Hawk's Eye asks.

"No, I'll be there later," Fish Eye says, not taking his eyes off the Three Lights.

"Well, just remember, if you come home with Mamoru, we get to kill both you and him!" Zoisite yells.

"Uh huh..." Fish Eye says, nearly slipping in his own puddle of drool on the floor.

Six of our bishounen teleport away, leaving Fish Eye and the Three Lights alone in the karaoke bar (The drunks don't count because they're unconscious). When they finish their song, Fish Eye claps wildly and cheers. "Whoooohooo! Yeah, you're the greatest! Go Three Lights, go! I love you, Three Lights!"

"Hey, why is that girl the only one cheering?" Yaten asks. "Stupid unconscious people..."

"I think you just answered your own question, Yaten," Taiki says, sweatdropping again.

"Hmmm, she's cute though," Seiya says. "Maybe she's our princess."

Taiki sweatdrops. "Seiya, you think _every_ cute girl is our princess. You never seem to think that polite or intellectual girls could be our princess," he mutters.

Seiya ignores him. "Hey you, come over here!" he yells to Fish Eye.

Fish Eye walks up to the stage. "Hi there, Seiya."

"Hey there, gorgeous." Fish Eye blushes. Seiya smiles at him. "What's your name?"

"Uhhh..." Fish Eye struggles to think of a fake name. He can't use the one he used with the Senshi earlier, because it was a guy's name. He wants the Three Lights to think he's a girl. "My name is...Tsukino Usagi." He nearly slaps himself after saying that, but realizes it doesn't matter anyway. Soon, they'll find out everything about him.

"Hmmm. Cute name for a cute girl." Fish Eye blushes again.

 _This Seiya is certainly a smooth talker...that Taiki guy looks smart...and Yaten has a cool attitude. I want all three!_ Fish Eye thinks. _I need to get them all together,_ he thinks. Then he gets an idea. "Hey, could all three of you stand together? I want to get a picture."

"Hey, anything for a pretty girl...and I do mean _anything_ ," Seiya says, winking at Fish Eye.

Yaten sighs. "Seiya is such a flirt. I bet he's already forgotten why we came to Earth." He stands on Seiya's left, while Taiki stands to Seiya's right.

Fish Eye reaches behind his back and conjures up a special camera...a hypnotizing camera. He holds it up. "Now, look directly into the lens." The Three Lights do what he says and notice that it starts to swirl around in a spiral. They feel like their personalities are being sucked right out of them and being replaced with nothing but loyalty to someone named Fish Eye...except for Seiya.

"Wha...what's going on?" Taiki asks. "I feel...powerless..."

"That's right." Fish Eye grins. "You are now under my control. You will do whatever I say."

"OK," Seiya says.

Fish Eye sweatdrops. It seems Seiya had already been willing to do anything Fish Eye wanted without even being hypnotized. "Anyway, now I will tell you three all about myself. My real name is Fish Eye. I live in the Crystal Forest in the world of Elysion. I am brainwashing you so you three will do anything I tell you to...and I mean anything."

"Hey, have it your way, baby. I'll do anything for you...or anything _to_ you," Seiya says winking.

Fish Eye sweatdrops again, starting to wonder if he has brainwashed Seiya, or if that's really him talking. "Well, you may not have noticed, but I'm a guy."

"Fine with me, babe. As long as you're cute."

Fish Eye can hardly believe it. Usually he has to brainwash guys to do what he wants, but he can tell from Seiya's eyes that he isn't brainwashed. When he looks at Yaten and Taiki's eyes, he sees they have the Trademark Brainwashed Look™, but Seiya's eyes are completely normal. He thinks this is too good to be true, so he decides he shouldn't completely trust Seiya yet. It could be a trap of some sort. He can't think of why someone would want to trap him, but he needs to be cautious anyway. It was just too easy to get Seiya onto his side...He looks at the other two and decides to test them. "Hey, Taiki, Yaten. Who is your master?"

"It is you, Fish Eye-sama," they both reply.

"Good. Now, you're all coming back to live at my place until I get tired of you...Just kidding! But really..."

"All right! Maybe when we get back to your place, we can have some real fun!" Seiya says. "How do we get there?"

"Well, we're going to teleport. You'll all have to hold onto me."

"No prob. Where do you want my hands to go?" Seiya asks, grinning suggestively. Fish Eye can't help but blush.

"Ummm, anywhere you want, you just have to be touching me." Taiki and Yaten each put one of their hands on Fish Eye's shoulders, while Seiya wraps his arms around his waist. He looks into Fish Eye's eyes and smiles again. Fish Eye stares back at him for a moment, but then pulls himself back into reality. _Something is wrong...why is he so willing to do anything I want him to?_ Fish Eye thinks. Out loud, he says, "Let's go!" And they all teleport back to the living room of the house in the Crystal Forest, bringing surprise to the six other residents...

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Well, that's the end of episode 7! Through all the vacations, working, and slacking off, I finally managed to write it ^_^ Hope it was worth the wait (doubtful...) Oh, one note: Seiya doesn't recognize the name "Tsukino Usagi" because he hasn't met her yet. Yeah, I know that the Three Light's were supposed to arrive in Tokyo in episode 173, but it's my fan-fic! I can have them arrive whenever I want! Well, anyway...how do you think the other bishounen will react to Fish Eye's new brainwashed (Well, two of them) slaves? Is Seiya really up to something, or does he just think Fish Eye is cute? Will the next episode take me less than two months to write? (Hopefully! Even I'm getting tired of waiting for myself to write!) Find out in the next exciting episode of Dragonball Z...ummm, I mean Bishounen no Mori...Maybe I need to cut back on anime...*Shakes up Magic Eight Ball* Is there any chance of me cutting back on anime?

Eight Ball: "My sources say no...in fact, you'll be getting even more anime soon!"

Me: Hmm, I don't remember that message being on the Eight Ball...*Looks at box* Oh, this is a special Anime Otaku Eight Ball...oops, this episode is supposed to be over, isn't it? Cut, cut! *Static*

Send comments, questions, and pumpkin pies to sailorspazz


	8. Welcome, New Servants!  Let's Get Lazy

Hi, minna-saaaaan! Look, another episode! Enjoy (If you can ^_^;;)

Disclaimer: *Singing to "Mary Had a Little Lamb* Characters by Ta-ke-u chi-Na-o -ko-sa-ma. Only the plot-line is mine, this is a fan-fic. *Bows, runs off stage as people throw things and demand their money back*

Completed: 10/11/98

Bishounen no Mori

Episode 8: Welcome, New Servants! Let's Get Lazy.

Written by: *Sigh* If I ask myself this one more time, I will scream!

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

In a bright flash, Fish Eye and his three new...uh, love slaves (^_^;;) appear in the living room of the little house in the middle of the Crystal Forest. The other bishounen look up surprised (Except for Nephrite and Tiger's Eye, who are passed out on the floor).

"Hey!" Zoisite yells, "We told you that if you brought someone back with you, then we could kill you!" He gleefully conjures up an ice crystal and aims it at Fish Eye and the Three Lights.

"Nuh uh! You said if I brought _Mamo-chan_ back, you could kill me. But these people don't look like Mamo-chan, now do they?" He grins smugly.

Zoisite pouts. "Damn, so close..."

Kunzite looks at the Three Lights. "Hey, aren't those the guys who were performing at the karaoke bar? The Tree Rights or something?"

"That's the Three Lights," Seiya says, now letting go of Fish Eye. "I'm Seiya, and these are my brainwashed buddies, Taiki and Yaten."

" _More_ brainwashed people? This is stupid..." Zoisite says. "How do we know they won't be as annoying as Mamoru?"

"Oh, pleeeease give them a chance. I promise, give them a day and you'll love them."

"How can you tell us to give them a day when you haven't even known them for a day either?" Hawk's Eye says.

"Well...ummm, I'll make sure they help out. Yeah yeah, they'll be like...servants."

"Servants, eh?" Zoisite's ears perk up. "All right, that means I won't have to do any chores while I'm here!" He looks at Nephrite sprawled out on the floor. "Hey, servants! Take this guy outside. He's ruining the decor of the room."

"We cannot do that," Taiki and Yaten reply in monotone. "We can only obey orders given by our master, Fish Eye-sama."

"Well, what good are servants if they won't do what I say?" Zoisite conjures up another ice crystal.

"No, wait! I'll make them obey you..." Fish Eye sighs, and turns to Taiki and Yaten. "I command you two to obey the other residents of this house, also," he says unenthusiastically.

"Yes, Fish Eye-sama." With that, they pick up Nephrite, open the door and throw him out onto the lawn.

"Hmm, I could get used to having servants," Zoisite says, leaning back and putting his feet on the table. "Could you two get me something to drink now?"

"As you wish." They head off towards the kitchen (Interesting that they know where it is, even though no one told them o_O;;).

"And get something for Kunzite-sama, too!" he yells after them.

"As you wish."

Fish Eye sighs. If Zoisite wears them out doing little tasks, then they won't be able to (*Cough*) perform very well later. Well, at least he has Seiya, who seems willing to do what Fish Eye wants without brainwashing.

Taiki and Yaten return. "We are afraid we cannot get the drinks. There is no food left in the kitchen."

"No food?" Zoisite yells. "Who ate it all?"

Everyone else sweatdrops, not daring to say anything. They're all afraid what Zoisite will do to them if they remind him that he ate it all himself...

Zoisite coughs, not liking how the others are looking at him. "Well, we need food. You two will need to go to the store."

"How can they go to the store? They don't know how to teleport to Earth," Fish Eye complains. He doesn't want them to leave.

"Well, then someone should take them." Zoisite looks around the room. "I wonder who should go..."

"Why don't _you_ go?" Fish Eye says, glaring at Zoisite.

"Are you kidding me? Someone as great as I should not be wasting my precious energy grocery shopping!"

"But you go clothes shopping all the time. How is this any different?" Jadeite asks.

Zoisite pats Jadeite on the head. "Poor, stupid Jadeite. Maybe the first time you try on a dress you'll understand." Needless to say, (But I'm saying it anyway ^o^) everyone sweatdrops again. "Why don't you go, Jadeite?"

Jadeite thinks for a second (buzzzzz...*snap* ouch...Oh wait, that's my thought process, not Jadeite's ^_^;;). "Well, I guess so. I don't really have anything better to do."

Zoisite smirks. He likes having control over everyone. It makes him feel powerful, even more powerful than Kunzite. He gets ideas about trying to control Kunzite later that night...^_- "Then go. Now!" Jadeite glares at Zoisite's smirk. He grabs Taiki and Yaten and they disappear.

Fish Eye sighs.

"Oh, what are you sighing about? You still have one boy-toy left!" Zoisite says.

"You know, Zoisite, you've been acting really bitchy and all-mighty the whole time you've been here! I'm sick of it! You're living in _our_ house, and you don't control us!" Fish Eye snaps, angry that Taiki and Yaten are gone.

Zoisite looks at him, ready to fly into a rage. "What the hell are you talking about? I'm being nice to all of you!" Zoisite tries to fly at Fish Eye, but Kunzite grabs him.

"Ummm, Zoisite, honey, I think it's time you went to sleep. You're not making sense anymore," Kunzite says, stroking his hair.

Zoisite looks at him through tear-filled eyes. "But...but I'm hungry!" he whines, throwing his arms around Kunzite.

"Don't worry. When the food gets here, you can have all you want. But for now, let's go to bed."

Zoisite sniffs. "OK."

Kunzite picks up Zoisite and takes him up to the bedroom to...sleep (Yeah, that's it...sleep *cough*).

So now, only the Trio plus Seiya still remain in the living room (Although Tiger's Eye is unconscious). They stand there for a second. Someone coughs. Finally, Hawk's Eye decides to start a conversation.

"So, Seiya...uhhh, why aren't you brainwashed?" That's the only thing he can think of to say.

"Because Fish Eye was so charming. I was instantly mesmerized by him." He smiles and hugs Fish Eye, who blushes.

Hawk's Eye gives Fish Eye a look that says he is very suspicious of Seiya. Fish Eye's look back to him says that he's suspicious too, but he wants to find out if he really is up to something before making accusations.

"Oh," Hawk's Eye says to Seiya out loud. "Well, while you're here, what are you planning on doing?"

Seiya thinks for a second. "Oh, let's say I'm going to be...cleaning up the place a bit." He gets a strange look in his eyes for a minute, but then returns to normal. Fish Eye doesn't notice the look, but Hawk's Eye does, and it makes him even more suspicious...

 _This guy is up to something, no doubt, but I don't know what...we're going to have to watch him really closely..._ Hawk's Eye says to Fish Eye telepathically.

 _Don't worry. I'm going to be watching him really closely, if you know what I mean._ Fish Eye's look makes Hawk's Eye gag mentally. He can't believe that even though they both know Seiya is up to something, Fish Eye still plans on sleeping with him...

Seiya doesn't like the way that Fish Eye and Hawk's Eye are looking at each other...he fears they may be communicating telepathically, so he decides to get Fish Eye out of there. "Well, Fishy, I'm tired now. I think we should go to bed."

"But aren't we going to wait for Taiki and Yaten to get back?"

Seiya grins and picks him up. "Well, I think we should get to know each other first, then those two can join when they get back." Hawk's Eye rolls his eyes, Fish Eye grins, and Seiya carries him upstairs to Fish Eye's bedroom (Once again, it's strange that he knows the way without being told).

Now only Hawk's Eye and Tiger's Eye remain in the living room. Hawk's Eye props his feet up on Tiger's Eye's unconscious body. "Well, Tiger's Eye, I guess our lives will never get back to normal..." He picks up the TV Guide and looks for something interesting to watch.

Meanwhile, in a grocery store in Tokyo...

"Would these canned noodles be a good choice for eating?" Taiki asks.

"Yes, I believe they would be," Yaten replies.

"Fine. Then I will put them into the shopping cart that one of our new masters, Jadeite-sama, is piloting."

Jadeite puts his face in his hands. He finds it really embarrassing to be walking around with these two as they talk to each other in monotone and discuss every item they see. He doesn't like the strange looks the other shoppers are giving him.

Yaten picks up a package. "Do you think these pre-packaged cookies would be..."

"Yes! Yes, just put them in the damn shopping cart!" Jadeite yells. With them discussing every item on the shelf, it has taken them 15 minutes just to get half-way through the first aisle.

"Oh my, I seem to have upset one of our new masters, Jadeite-sama," Yaten says, the tone of his voice and the look on his face remaining unchanged. "Please, forgive me, Jadeite-sama. Are you going to report me to our main master, Fish Eye-sama?"

Jadeite sighs. "No, no. It's just that I usually shop much faster than this."

"Then please, Jadeite-sama, since you are piloting the shopping cart, please show us the error of our ways. Show us how to shop correctly," Taiki says.

"Well, OK." Jadeite rushes down all of the aisles, shoving various items into the cart (Think of the show Supermarket Sweep ^_^). Taiki and Yaten look on.

"Oh, are you sure that everyone will like the food items you have put into the shopping cart?" Yaten asks.

"Sure. With so many people in the house, someone is bound to like at least a few of the things I bought. And Zoisite'll eat anything."

"You are so wise, Jadeite-sama. I wish we could be as smart as you," Taiki says.

"Uhh, yeah," Jadeite says laughing a bit, putting a hand behind his head. "Well now, let's go back to the forest." The three of them duck into an empty aisle and teleport back into the living room, shopping cart and all.

"Mmm, Kunzite-sama..." Zoisite moans as Kunzite kisses his neck.

"Zoisite..." After the day they've had, Kunzite is happy to finally be alone with Zoisite again...

Suddenly, Zoisite stiffens (Uhhh, that doesn't mean what you're thinking, hentai!). "Did you feel that, Kunzite-sama?"

"Feel what?" he mumbles into Zoisite's neck.

"I just felt Jadeite, Taiki and Yaten teleport back into the house! The food is here!" Zoisite yells gleefully and puts a bathrobe on.

"But Zoisite..." Kunzite tries to get Zoisite to stay, but he's already out of the room and down the stairs by the time Kunzite can blink. He's sighs and decides to go downstairs, too...

The second that Jadeite, Taiki and Yaten appear in the living room, Zoisite is already there drooling. Before anyone can stop him, Zoisite jumps into the shopping cart, grabbing food and ripping open packages. Kunzite arrives downstairs, wearing a lovely pair of boxers, and sighs when he sees Zoisite.

"Come on honey...I think most of those things would be better if you cooked them...You don't want to get food poisoning, do you?" Kunzite says, rolling the shopping cart into the kitchen. Once there, he pulls Zoisite out, who is now shoving cookies into his mouth. With Zoisite out of the way, the others get a chance to get some food, which they actually _cook_ , unlike Zoisite.

Hawk's Eye has also come into the kitchen. He notices the kitchen table. "Hey, this isn't the one we had before."

Kunzite coughs. "Don't you remember? Zoisite and I...umm, broke yours, so Zoisite picked out a new one. Do you like it?"

Hawk's Eye looks at it carefully. "Yeah, I like it...but I bet Fish Eye is going to be mad knowing Zoisite picked it out...why do they hate each other, anyway?"

"I don't know. They just seemed to be instant rivals since the moment they met..." Kunzite says, looking thoughtful. "I'm not sure what the reason is...well, their first fight was over who was the prettiest...I think they're just too much alike."

"Yes, maybe they don't feel so unique anymore when they're around each other..." Hawk's Eye says, also looking thoughtful, as he nibbles some food (Ooh, maybe Hawk's Eye and Kunzite should consider careers in psychology ^_^).

A few minutes later, Zoisite has eaten all he can handle. "Come on, Kunzite-sama! Let's go back upstairs!" He starts dragging him away.

"I enjoyed talking with you, Hawk's Eye!" Kunzite yells as he gets dragged up the stairs.

"Yes. We should do it again sometime!" Hawk's Eye is glad to be making friends with at least one of the new people in his house. Since he's finished eating, he decides to go to bed himself.

"Fish Eye-sama is waiting for us. We must go to bed as well," Taiki and Yaten say, as they head upstairs.

Since Nephrite is sleeping on the lawn, Jadeite gets to sleep on the couch. Thus, another day in the Crystal Forest ends. Everything is peaceful...but, of course, you all know that the next day will bring more chaos ^_^

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

*Sigh* There! Another episode completed! Look, it took me less than two months to write...just one month and twenty-six days ^_^ But I really hope that the writing will go faster now, because now I've thought up an actual _plot line_ *gasp* Before, I was just making up the fic as I went along. But now I've got a plan for something to happen *grin* Well, anyway, I hope you all stick around for episode 9! It's where you'll discover what Seiya's _really_ up to ^_^ Jaaaaa na!

Comments, questions, and large amounts of anime tapes go to sailorspazz


	9. Seiya's Secret Revealed!  The Scary Censor Plan

Heeeeeeere we go again! *audience groans* Oh, shut up! This is _free_ entertainment! *audience cheers* That's what I thought...

Disclaimer: Hmmm, I think this disclaimer becomes less and less needed as the fic goes on...if Takeuchi Naoko read this, she'd think, 'These are my characters? They act nothing like them!' But still, they are hers, and I can't claim them as my own unless I go back in time ^_^

Completed: 2/7/99

Bishounen no Mori

Episode 9: Seiya's Secret Revealed! The Scary Censor Plan.

Written By: Aaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrgghhhhhhhhh!

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Fish Eye wakes up the next morning, feeling like he's surrounded. He blinks a couple times and realizes that he _is_ surrounded: He has all Three Lights lying around him. He smiles. _I've never woken up with three people before...I've broken my own record,_ he thinks happily, recalling the night before. He begins to grin widely just thinking about how...interesting it was to have three guys at once. And Seiya...Fish Eye grins even wider. _He was even better than Mamo-chan,_ he thinks, his silly grin getting bigger. As if he can tell Fish Eye is thinking about him, Seiya wakes up.

"Hey there, gorgeous." He smiles seductively and wraps his arms tighter around Fish Eye, kissing him on the forehead.

"Good morning, Seiya." He also smiles and holds Seiya tightly.

"Was it good for you, too?" (^_^;;)

"Mmmmm, the best ever!" Fish Eye sighs again and snuggles closer to Seiya. "Especially you." He could hardly believe how experienced Seiya was, even though he was so young. Well, maybe he just had a natural talent for...it ^_^

Seiya grins wickedly. "Was I better than Taiki and Yaten?"

"Oh, yes! So much more! I think that's partly due to the fact that they're brainwashed and you're you...but you were the best I've ever had anyway!"

Seiya gets an odd-looking evil grin for a second, but then his face returns to normal. "Hey, Fish Eye...do you really like being here in this fa-, uh, I mean, this forest?"

Fish Eye looks puzzled. "Hmm? What do you mean?"

"Well, you know, it's so dark and cold and you have to teleport to get anywhere interesting...Wouldn't you much rather run off with me to someplace better?"

Fish Eye thinks for a minute. "Well, even though it's dark here, I still like living here. And Tiger's Eye and Hawk's Eye live here, too. I'm all right as long as I have my friends with me." (Ugh, is this cheesy or what?)

"But Fish Eye," Seiya grabs onto Fish Eye's wrists, despite his struggling, "We don't need to be here. This place would be much better without us here! We should go far, far away!"

"What the hell are you talking about?! Let me go!" Fish Eye yells, but Seiya holds on tighter, his eyes starting to glow red, and his voice suddenly changing.

"This place is no longer pure. It has been contaminated by this evil fan-fic! Why is this all about the villains? What we need is the Sailor Scouts!"

"Sailor Scouts..." Fish Eye says quietly as he tries to place the voice that Seiya now has. He suddenly recognizes it as the voice he had heard the day before at the karaoke bar. "DiC! Oh my God, Seiya's being controlled by DiC!"

The voice of DiC laughs. "So, you finally figured it out. Yes, I have taken over The Three Lights. Of course, I made it so you couldn't brainwash Seiya to ensure that my plan would not fail."

"What plan?" Fish Eye spits out, looking angrier than he's ever been before.

DiC-Seiya grins. "To eliminate all inappropriate things in the world, starting with fan-fics like this one!"

Fish Eye gasps. "Eliminate?"

"Or censor past the point of recognition. From now on, all people will read is good, wholesome fan-fics about the Sailor Scouts adventures fighting evil from the Negaverse in the name of love and justice."

Fish Eye screams. "You...you're mad!" Then he thinks of something and grins. "But that will never happen, though. There are people writing fan-fics as we speak. There's no _way_ you could possibly stop them all."

"That's what you think." DiC-Seiya laughs. "You see, we're just starting with making fan-fics appropriate. After we do that, we'll go on to censor the whole world!"

Fish Eye screams again. Suddenly, all of the other bishounen burst into the room, in various states of being awake.

"What's with all the evil laughter and screaming in here?!" Hawk's Eye yells, who is the most awake.

"Yeah, I've been trying to get my beauty sleep!" Zoisite yells, who is half-awake. Behind him is Kunzite, whose wrists are tied together with rope (See, Zoisite and Kunzite _did_ make use of that rope ^_^;;).

Fish Eye sighs. "I don't have time to explain, just scroll up in the fic."

A couple minutes later, all of our bishounen are well informed, mostly awake, and ready to take action (Well, not all of them: Nephrite and Tiger's Eye are complaining of hang-overs, and Nephrite is cold from sleeping on the lawn all night).

"All right, you psycho censor freaks!" Jadeite yells, ready to fight. "Just exactly how do you think you're going to censor the whole world, eh?"

DiC-Seiya laughs. "Like I'm going to tell you! That would be the stupidest thing in the world to do!"

"That's true, but don't you know that in stories the villain is required to tell their evil tale? The heroes are never smart enough to figure it out," Zoisite states.

DiC-Seiya looks confused. "Wait...but aren't you the villains?"

Our bishounen look at each other. "Uhh, we're not sure either...but we do know that some people like reading fan-fics like this, or they've been forced to or something..." Hawk's Eye says. "But anyway, in the eyes of the readers, you're the evil one!"

DiC-Seiya smirks. "Well, I'll just have to fix them then, won't I? See ya'll later! Ja na!" With that, he disappears, along with the still sleeping Taiki and Yaten.

"Kuso!" Zoisite snarls. "I can't let those...those _freaks_ who turned me into a woman get away like that!"

"Quickly, let's go to Earth!" Kunzite says, after tracing where DiC teleported to.

Just before they teleport, Zoisite leans over to Fish Eye. "Oh, by the way, Fishy, you've got really _great_ taste in men..." he says, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Fish Eye flips him off.

When they arrive in an alley in Tokyo seconds later, they can already sense that something is very wrong...one of those things being that the "alley" they're in is being turned into a miniature garden with happy looking flowers. They are standing in a pile of soil.

"Oh, great! My new shoes are ruined!" Zoisite says in dismay. "Let's go shopping and get some new ones." His eyes begin gleaming.

Kunzite sweatdrops. "Umm, first let's find DiC, dear." Kunzite has had enough shopping for the rest of the millennium.

The bishounen all step out of the soil and onto the sidewalk. They are horrified at the sight of happy people, happy animals, happy insects...everything is happy happy HAPPY! The sun is shining _way_ too brightly, and it appears to be smiling, too. All the people walking down the street are whistling happy tunes and saying, "Good day!" to each other. No one is angry or swearing or hurling things at other people...yes, indeed, it is a scary and sickening sight.

"Geez, DiC did all this already?" Jadeite says in amazement. They realize they're up against a tough opponent. "How could they possibly make everything so sickeningly happy in just a few seconds?"

"I dunno, but I gotta find a bar to help get rid of this hangover," Nephrite says. Tiger's Eye agrees. The others don't bother to tell them that their logic won't work; they know it's no use.

Tiger's Eye looks around. "Hey, I can't find a bar anywhere! All I can see are lemonade stores."

"What?!" They all look around and find this to be true. There aren't even any regular stores, there's just nothing but lemonade related things: lemonade cafes, lemonade stands, "Lemonade on a Stick"...even Starbucks Lemonade (Starbucks People: Oh my! There's only one Starbucks per block! Build more! *rolls eyes* That's what it seems like those people must be thinking...around here, you can't turn around without seeing that way-too-familiar green sign...I don't even like coffee! But enough ranting from me, there's a fic going on here ^_^;;).

"Oh my God! DiC is using lemonade to take over the people's minds!" Jadeite says, stating the obvious (But even then, he's very proud for having figured it out, all by hisself ^_^;; *Gives Jeddy-kun a gold star*)

The others nod. "Right. And there's only one thing we can do to stop them now..." Hawk's Eye says, wanting to have a dramatic sounding line.

"And that would be..." Kunzite prompts him.

"That is..." he pauses dramatically, just to make sure he has everyone's attention for his possibly shocking words. "...think of a plan to beat them." The others fall over. Hawk's Eye puts a hand behind his head and laughs.

They all stand up again...well, most of them; Kunzite and Zoisite get ideas while lying down on the ground, so they stay down while the others get up.

"But, seriously, we really do need to think of a plan...any ideas?" Hawk's Eye looks around to the others. Fish Eye slowly raises his hand. Hawk's Eye-sensei calls on him (Oh, I wanna be in that class!) "Yes, Fish Eye-kun?"

"Uhh, well, maybe if we get rid of all the lemonade, then the people will go back to normal. After we've got the people back to normal, we can go after DiC and teach them a lesson."

"That's fine, but there's so much lemonade...how are we possibly going to get rid of it all?" This time, Jadeite raises his hand. Hawk's Eye calls on him. "Yes?"

"Well, we could first drain the energy of some of the people, so they can't resist, plus for later use. Then we could transport all of the lemonade somewhere. Then we would locate DiC, which shouldn't be that hard to do, and finally, we could use the energy we drained from the people to help us defeat DiC, in case we're not strong enough on our own."

Everyone else looks surprised. "Whoa, Jadeite. I had no idea you could come up with such great plans. You've always acted so...uh..." Hawk's Eye tries to avoid saying that he thought Jadeite was stupid. Thankfully, Nephrite interrupts him.

"If you're so smart, how come you could never come up with such great plans when we were fighting the Senshi, huh?"

Jadeite thinks for a second. "Well, that's probably because I was a bad guy. Don't you know that 99.9% of the time, the good guy wins? If we were actually allowed to come up with _good_ plans, there's no way the Senshi could have beaten us."

"Oh yeah...stupid heroic stories..." Nephrite grumbles, seeming to be over his hangover now.

Tiger's Eye is still thinking about Jadeite's plan. "But wait. Where exactly are we supposed to be transporting this lemonade to?"

"Ummm, I was thinking we could transport it to Elysion..."

"WHAT?!" everyone who's listening yells (Kunzite and Zoisite are "occupied" ^_^;;)

Jadeite shrinks down to an adorable SD size. "Don't get so upset at little Jeddy-chan!" he sniffles, then starts explaining. "I'm just saying we could store it there so DiC can't get it, then we can figure out what to do with it when this mission is over." (Mission? *Spazz goes into Heero-mode* Ninmu ryoukai! [I've been watching too much Gundam Wing ^_^;;]).

"Well...I guess that would work," Fish Eye says, making googly eyes at the SD Jadeite, thinking, _Kawaii! I want him!_ Jadeite notices those looks and reverts back to regular size.

"OK, so we should all split up over the world so we can get rid of the lemonade as quickly as possible," Hawk's Eye says. "Jadeite will go to Europe, Nephrite will go to South America, Zoisite will go to North America, Kunzite will stay in Asia, Fish Eye will go to Australia, Tiger's Eye will go to Africa, and I'll check to see if there's any in Antarctica. If not, I'll come back and help Kunzite with Asia, got it?" Hawk's Eye says. He hears most of them agreeing, and some giggling from Kunzite and Zoisite. "Hey! Did you two hear the plan?"

Zoisite takes his head out from underneath Kunzite's shirt. "Yeah, yeah. I go to North America, Kunzite-sama stays here, and we drain energy and transport the lemonade to Elysion. Got it." He and Kunzite finally stand up. The others are surprised that he had actually been listening the whole time he was...busy.

"All right. Let's go!" They all teleport off to their respective continents...and the fun begins!

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

*Phew* Uhhh...yo ^_^;; OK, I know what needs to be said here...I'm sorry it took nearly four months to write this episode! Gah, I'm such a terrible person! *readers agree* Grrr, you didn't have to agree! I'm not sure what happened this time...I guess time has NOT been on my side lately...there's so much stuff happening in my "life" and not enough time to do anything (My web-page now seems to get updated once a month at best). Well, at least it's here now...I really hope I'll be able to write the next episode quicker. And now, I have a funny grammar check story to tell (yes, there is such a thing :P). While running a spelling-grammar check on this fic, the sentence "Oh my god, Seiya's being controlled by DiC!" was identified as a passive voice sentence. So, the suggested replacement sentence became "DiC is controlling my god, Seiya." ^_^ I'm done talking now, so smell ya later...Jaaaaa na!

Comments, criticism, and J-Pop CDs go to sailorspazz


	10. The Final Showdown with DiC!  We Love Bishounen!

*Ahem* Well, here it is, the last episode! Hope everyone had fun reading! I know I have ^o^

Disclaimer: Errr, uhh, what? You mean these characters aren't mine? Aww, man. I was convinced they were. But actually, they belong to the talented Takeuchi Naoko. This fic will cost you nothing...except your soul! MWAHAHAHAHA! Err, I mean, this fic is not for profit...send me money only if you're nice ^_^ All the meanies who don't...heh heh, we have our ways of dealing with you, and your little dog, too! OHHHH ho ho hohohohohohoh! (Please forgive the nonsense of this disclaimer -_-;;)

Completed: 5/22/99 (One day after my 16th birthday ^_^)

Bishounen no Mori

Episode 10: The Final Showdown With DiC! We love Bishounen!

Written By: *Sigh* it's the final episode and you don't even know my name yet? Oh, treble woe! Err, I mean-Written By: Sailorspazz

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

(Various scenes of our bishounen are shown...)

In Europe, Jadeite is disappointed at the lack of hentai films that were usually so abundant. When he can't even find one girl willing to sleep with him (Hey, he's been frozen for a long time...the only offer he's gotten so far is from Fish Eye...and one of my friends...and the Senshi o_O;;), he gets mad and starts draining energy and stealing lemonade...then he remembers that's why he was in Europe in the first place o_O;;

In South America, Nephrite frantically looks around for _any_ kind of alcohol...when he finds none, he finally starts his job ^_^;;

In North America, Zoisite is dazzled by the number of stores...however, after discovering that they sell nothing but lemonade and lemonade by-products (o_O;; What exactly would those be, anyway?) he gets mad and goes into an energy-draining lemonade-transporting fit.

In Africa, Tiger's Eye finds himself in a jungle. He finds some...tigers o_O;; After some severe questioning, Tiger's Eye is nearly torn to shreds and discovers that the tigers don't have any lemonade...he decides going to a city will be safer ^_^;;

In Australia, Fish Eye ends up in a vast desert. After being kicked in the head by a kangaroo, he, like Tiger's Eye, decides he will have better luck finding lemonade in a city.

In Antarctica, Hawk's Eye discovers that the yellow snow is _not_ lemonade o_O;; Quickly scanning the place, he decides that there is no lemonade on the ice continent. He joins Kunzite in Asia. He finds him kicking over a lemonade stand. Kunzite looks up and sees him.

"Oh, hello. Anything in Antarctica?"

"Nope. That's why I'm back to help." A little girl with a puppy (Aurgh, it's Endless Waltz all over again!) and a bunch of boxes walks up to Hawk's Eye, blinking her wide eyes innocently.

"Hello, mithter," she says with a lisp, "Would you like to buy thome lemonade cookieth? It'th to thupport our thcool."

Hawk's Eye screams in horror, quickly transporting the boxes of cookieth...err, cookies to Elysion. "Geez, that much sugar was rotting my brain...for a company that wants to censor everything, DiC is really playing dirty."

"That's why we need to beat them as quickly as possible." Kunzite transports an entire lemonade store to Elysion.

"Right." They continue draining and transporting until the continent has been sucked dry. Soon, the others return after finishing their continents. Zoisite immediately glomps onto Kunzite.

"Oh, Kunzite-sama, it was awful! I couldn't do any shopping because there was nothing but lemonade!" he wails. He gives Kunzite an innocent-yet-very-suggestive look. "I could use some comforting."

Kunzite leers back, but then thinks for a second. "Well, I'd love to, but first we have to get rid of DiC. Then we can have a celebration that will shake the house."

The others look slightly ill. "I knew we should have updated the structure of our house to handle earthquakes..." Hawk's Eye says. "Did you guys manage to get rid of all of the lemonade?"

"Yeah, and I think I also found the answer to the question 'where have all the cowboys gone?'" Nephrite says, causing the others to sweatdrop.

Jadeite suddenly gets an idea. "Hey, what if while we're fighting DiC they try to get back the lemonade we transported to Elysion?" The others think for a minute.

"Well, I guess we could put up a dimensional barrier between here and Elysion to make sure that DiC won't be able to get back that...that...poison!" Zoisite says.

"Good idea," Kunzite says, patting Zoisite on the...head. He leers at Zoisite again. "I'll have to reward you later."

The others roll their eyes, thinking, _Is that all those two ever think about?_ Out loud, Hawk's Eye says, "Yes, good idea. Now come on, let's all work together." All seven bishounen stand close together (Kyaaaa! *Spazz passes out from kawaii-overload*) and concentrate. Electricity crackles, dark portals open, (Insert lengthy description of dramatic looking scene here) blah blah, etc. etc. Soon, all the darkness 'n' stuff disappears and the bishounen know that they have put up a block...how do they know? 'Cause I said so, dag nabit.

"Well, anyway, now we have to face DiC," Tiger's Eye says with a grim expression, being unusually serious (Must be the after-effects of the dramatic looking scene...wonder how long it will last). "Quick, to the Batmobile!" (Oh, I see ^_^;; Apparently not very long).

Other bishounen: o_O;; ? *pika pika*

"Uhh, I mean to the Tokyo Tower. That's where DiC is hiding."

"Tokyo Tower?" Fish Eye says. "Uh oh, have we gotten ourselves into a CLAMP story? I'm too pretty to die!"

"Ha, not as pretty as me," Zoisite says, flipping his long golden hair over his shoulder.

Fish Eye turns around. "Nanii~~~~iiii?!" They growl at each other with electricity crackling through their glares.

Kunzite rolls his eyes. "Not again..." He quickly grabs Zoisite around the waist and pulls him away from Fish Eye. "Come on, honey. You can fight later. Right now, we have a job to do."

Zoisite 'hmphs' and quickly sticks his tongue out at Fish Eye. "Beee~~~~~eee da!"

Fish Eye returns the favor. "Beeee~~~~~eee da!"

The others sweatdrop and try to get Fish Eye and Zoisite as far away from each other as possible. They finally get an opportunity to teleport to the Tokyo Tower (*Gasp* They got in without paying admission! Unfair... :P). It's completely dark inside.

"All right, DiC, show yourself!" Jadeite says. "It's your fault that everyone is so pure and good right now and no girls will sleep with me!"

"I'll sleep with you!" Fish Eye says, groping around for Jadeite in the dark.

"Aaaauuuuurrrggh!"

A low chuckle is heard. In traditional anime style, a spotlight appears behind a throne across the room. All that can be seen is the outline of the throne with two shadowed figures standing on either side of it. "Ah, welcome, my dear bishounen." The shadow disappears and in the throne is (duh) DiC-Seiya and standing on either side are Taiki and Yaten. "I've been waiting for you."

The bishounen look puzzled. "Why would you be waiting for us if you know we're here to kick your ass?" Zoisite asks.

DiC-Seiya blinks. "Uhh, what?" he says intelligently. "You mean, you guys aren't brainwashed yet? How is that possible? The lemonade's effects should set in immediately!"

The bishounen blink. "Uhh, were you paying attention to what we were doing while you've been up here in the Tokyo Tower?" Hawk's Eye asks.

"What you were doing...?" DiC-Seiya flips on a switch to one of those big screen TVs that villains always seem to have for plotting evil stuff/watching what the good guys are doing/etc. He looks at the screen. "The lemonade! It's all gone! What did you guys do with the lemonade?"

The bishounen sweatdrop. _This_ is the big scary villain they were afraid to fight? "Uhh, if you didn't think we were going to fight you, why were you waiting for us?" Hawk's Eye asks.

"Well, I was hoping that you guys would come up here brainwashed by the lemonade and we could discuss more ways to keep the human population under control...but since things didn't quite go that way, now I have no choice but to destroy you all!"

"All right, this is what we've been waiting for!" Zoisite says, rolling up his sleeves. The rest of the bishounen also prepare themselves for battle. Zoisite tries to blast DiC-Seiya with sakura.

"Hn. That's useless." A shield of some sort appears around him and absorbs the attack.

"What's that smell...it's familiar." Tiger's Eye sniffs the air. "It smells like lemon."

"Lemon?" Kunzite and Zoisite's ears perk up. "This is now a lemon fan-fic? Does that mean we get to celebrate now?" Zoisite already has Kunzite's shirt half off.

"NO!" Nephrite yells, having seen enough of Kunzite and Zoisite naked during his days in the Dark Kingdom...he had learned from them that it's important to _always_ knock before entering a room, especially if the walls are shaking o_O;; "It means that..." Nephrite pauses dramatically...then scratches his head. "Uhh, what does it mean?" The others fall down.

DiC-Seiya chuckles. "It means that the lemonade I drank earlier today is still affecting me. Mwahahahaha!" The others sweatdrop...after all, even being controlled by DiC, Seiya trying to laugh evilly is a pretty pathetic sight.

"Well, anyway, let's keep blasting that shield. The lemonade is bound to wear off sometime," Hawk's Eye says. So, obviously, the bishounen continue blasting the shield with various forms of energy. Tiger's Eye even uses his whip a bit. Fish Eye tries to throw some knives...and only ends up breaking a few windows o_O;; After a while, the shield has been destroyed.

"What? How can this be? How could my plan fail?" DiC-Seiya says.

"Well, duh, it's because you're the bad guy. And, even if you are great in bed, you were destined to lose from the beginning." (Gee, I wonder who said that ^_^;;)

"But I'm not the bad guy! You bishounen are!"

"Nuh-uh, the readers like us better." (And the author does, too ^o^) "So anyway, should we all finish DiC off together?"

"No, I have a much better idea," Zoisite says with a wicked grin. He turns to DiC-Seiya. "See how you like being a woman!" With that, Zoisite blasts DiC-Seiya, Taiki and Yaten with some magic. There's a huge flash of light and then the three of them reappear as women, clad in those skimpy leather Starlights outfits. Suddenly, a fly flies out of Seiya's ear and the Three Light's eyes return to normal.

"Whoa, where are we?" Seiya asks, looking around.

"Yeah, last I remember we were in a karaoke bar with a bunch of unappreciative unconscious people," Yaten says.

"More importantly, I thought we were men," Taiki says, eying their scantily clad selves. Seiya and Yaten scream.

"Hey, if they're back to normal, where did DiC go?" Jadeite asks. They all look around...and hear the buzzing of a fly.

"Ooh, a fly!" Even after turning human, Tiger's Eye still has some cat instincts in him and he goes chasing after the fly.

"Stop chasing that stupid fly, we have to find DiC!" Fish Eye scolds, trying to drag Tiger's Eye away. Hawk's Eye stops him.

"That won't be necessary, for, you see, DiC is the fly."

"What? How do you know?"

"Well, did you notice how right after that fly flew out of Seiya's ear, the Three Lights returned to normal?"

Fish Eye eyes the three girls in leather. "Normal?"

"Uhh, well, I mean the brainwashing wore off. Zoisite's spell is still in effect. But anyway, the fly was controlling them, and now they are back to normal...mentally, though not physically."

Fish Eye thinks for a second. "Wow...I could tell by how obsessed DiC was that they couldn't be human. It's hard to believe that DiC is..." Tiger's Eye pounces and a splat is heard, "uhh, _was_ a fly."

"Yeah...this author is really twisted." (*Ahem* It's not nice to insult me while I'm sitting right here! Wait...I'm writing what they say...-_-;;).

"Hey, you! Change us back right now! Hey y-" Seiya is cut off as Kunzite's pants hit him in the face...after all, with the battle over, Kunzite and Zoisite now have time to "celebrate." ^_^;;

"Ugh, I need to get out of here," Fish Eye says, looking at the flailing bodies on the floor. "Who wants to go get something to drink?"

"Oooh, me me me me!" Nephrite bounces over. Tiger's Eye, Hawk's Eye and Jadeite also decide to go.

Fish Eye looks at the Three Lights. "Hey, why don't you guys...uhh, girls come, too? We can go to a karaoke bar." He ignores the groans from the others...this refers to both the groans from those not wanting to go to a karaoke bar and the "other" kinds of groans from Kunzite and Zoisite ^_^;;

"All right...I guess if we want to be idols, we're going to have to work hard and be cute," Seiya says. He...uh, she tries giggling, "Tee hee hee."

The others sweatdrop. "Uh, yeah...let's go," Jadeite says.

They all teleport off to the karaoke bar they went to before...leaving Kunzite and Zoisite to...uhhh...do stuff ^_^;;

And so, everything is back to "normal." After doing some severe damage to the Tokyo Tower, Kunzite and Zoisite go back to the forest. At the bar, Fish Eye brainwashes several more men and brings them back to Elysion. Nephrite and Tiger's Eye drink until they collapse. Jadeite struggles to find a date. Hawk's Eye goes off to find Ami ^_- The Three Lights get discovered at the bar and become idols...as women o_O;; With DiC's mysterious disappearance, a company steps up and subtitles the entire Sailor Moon series, as it should have been in the first place ^o^ And as for the lemonade in the forest...it's absorbed into the earth and there's so much of it that its genki power and sugar energy cause Elysion to become light again.

And so, all of our lovely bishounen live crappily...err, sappily...err, happily ever after ^_^;; (Pick whichever one you please ^_^).

OWARI...da ze!

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Whew! Wow, it's hard to believe that it's over! My very first fan-fic series ^_^ I started writing it as a lowly high school freshman at the beginning of 1998 and now it's done, nearly mid 1999...right after I turned "sweet" 16 ^_^;; Well, it's been so much fun to write, and I wish I could have written it in less time, but I kept getting writer's block and I also haven't had much time lately. I hope everyone enjoyed reading! So, am I going to keep writing fan-fics? Yes, I've started planning a Gundam Wing fan-fic...I may write more Sailor Moon fan-fics later, but I don't have any planned now...maybe a sequel to Bishounen no Mori? ^_^ Heh heh heh. Well, I thank everyone who's read this fan-fic...jaaa na!

Comments, questions, and Gundam Wings mechs (Pilots included ^_-) go to sailorspazz


	11. Liner Notes

Spa~zu no waeijiten: Bishounen no Mori Liner Notes

This page is to help those who don't know Japanese be able to understand the terms I've used in Bishounen no Mori. You see, one day when I was looking through the story, I found 40 different Japanese words/phrases that I'd used throughout the fan-fic! Since I know not everyone knows that much Japanese, I decided to make this page to help people out. But remember that a lot of these words can be used in more than one way, so don't just go around using them yourself without knowing what they really mean ^_^ This list is just to kind of help you replace the Japanese word with its English equivalent as you read the fan-fic, not to make you a Japanese expert. Anyway, I hope this is helpful to y'all!

Note: Words are listed in Japanese syllabic order.

"Ano..." This is pretty much the equivalent of "Uhhh..."

"Ichi ni san shi" This is how you count to four in Japanese, in other words, "One two three four!"

"Usako" This means "bunny," and it's Mamoru's pet-name for Usagi.

"Ecchi" (Also "etchi") This stands for the letter "H" which stands for "hentai" which means "pervert."

"Odango atama" means "Dumpling head," another one of Mamoru's pet-names for Usagi (Though Haruka uses it also ^_^;;).

"Oniisan" This literally means "big brother" but it's not always used for people who are actually related to you. It's sometimes used for a person who is older than you who you are close to, such as in the fic, "Motoki-oniisan."

"Owari...da ze" "Owari" means "the end." "da ze" doesn't really have an English translation, it's basically just a masculine sentence ending. This is a play on what was at the end of episode 200 of SailorMoon: "Oshimai...da yo!" ("Oshimai" is another way to say "the end").

"Kawaii" This means "cute."

"Kya" This is a girly scream, so the best translation is "eek!"

"Kuso" Oooh, a bad word...this basically translates to "shit," although it's not really that strong in Japanese, so even "dammit" or "crap" are acceptable translations.

"-kun" This is an honorific usually used at the end of a boy's name. It's used by people talking to boys younger than themselves.

"Genki" This literally means "wellness" but in other cases, like the way I use it in the fic, it can also refer to cheerfulness, or even hyperness (I don't think that's a word, but you know what I mean :P).

"Gomen" This means "sorry."

"Sakura" This means "cherry blossom."

"-sama" This is an honorific which is used by people talking to their superiors. Zoisite always uses this for Kunzite because he respects him so much ^_^

"-san" Another honorific, which basically just translates to Mr., Ms., Mrs., etc. It's pretty much the standard honorific.

"Shitennou" The kanji for this word literally translate to "four heaven kings" Basically, it's just our four favorite Dark Kingdom baddies ^_^

"Ja ne" This basically means "see you later." The informal masculine variation of this is "ja na," which I tend to use on the internet, even though I'm a girl ^_^;; I guess it's just the influence of all my favorite anime men...few of my favorite characters are very polite ^_^;;

"Sailor Senshi" Oh come on, you should know this :P "Senshi" means "warrior" I think you can figure out the rest ^_^

"Sailor Fuku" I think you know what sailor means :P "fuku" means "clothes" or "outfit."

"Sensei" This means "teacher," in most cases. It can also be used as an honorific for doctors, and other fine people such as manga artists o_O;;

"Senpai" This is a respectful term for someone older than you who's like a mentor. Sometimes in anime, a character will _always_ refer to a certain other person as "senpai" and never use their name ^_^;; (Milly, I'm looking in your direction).

"Tuxedo Kamen" Another "duh" one: "Kamen" means "mask" Can you figure out who this refers to? Nah, it's much too difficult :P

"Che" (Also "chi" with a small "tsu" or other similar variations) This can be translated as "damn" or other such words, but it's not a very strong swear word.

"-chan" An honorific used mostly when refering to children or other such animals :P It can also be used as an affectionate term, such as how Usagi calls Mamoru "Mamo-chan."

"Chinchin" *Ahem* This refers to a certain part of the male anatomy. It's actually a pretty childish word, so I guess it could be translated as "wee-wee" ^_^;;

"Nani" This means "what."

"Ninmu ryoukai" This means "Mission accepted." It's often used by Heero of Gundam Wing.

"Ne" This has different meanings depending on where it's used in a sentence. At the beginning of a sentence, it can mean "say" or "hey." At the end of a sentence, it usually means, "right?"

"No da" This is a sentence ending which indicates emphasis. One translation of it is "you see." It's used by Chichiri all the time in Fushigi Yuugi.

"Baka" This means "idiot" or other such insults.

"Pika" This means "sparkle" (And, if my figuring is correct, "Pikachu" translates to "sparkle sqeak" o_O;; Heh heh, kind of fun to imagine Ash yelling that out in English 50 times an episode..."SPARKLE SQUEEEEEEAK!").

"Hikawa jinja" The kanji literally translate to "Fire river shrine." It's where Rei lives.

"Bishounen no mori" Duh, it's the title of the fic :P In case you've forgotten, it means "forest of pretty boys."

"Bee~~~ da (Variations include "Biii da" and "Piii da") This is the sound which accompanies the stinking out of the tongue and pulling down the lower eyelid. I guess its best translation is "Phhhbbbbt" :P

"Hentai" See "Ecchi."

"Minna" This literally means "everyone." The Senshi use it to refer to everyone in their "posse" (they're a gang, I tell you :P).

"Moshi moshi" This is how you say "hello" on the telephone in Japanese. It can also be used when you're trying to get attention when someone's just doing something weird and ignoring you...it's kind of like, "hel-LO!"

"Yatta" This literally means "I did it" (or other pronouns in place of "I"), so it can also be translated to "yay", "woo hoo", etc.

"Yareyare" I'm not quite sure how to translate this...my dictionary says "good grief" which I guess is good enough ^_^

Well, hope that was helpful ^_^ If you want to learn more about the Japanese language, take a class. I don't have time to teach you any more ^_^;; Enjoy understanding the fic. Jaaaa na!


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